If You Believe in Fate
by Dirreth
Summary: Blake knows Bobby for years and she needs a place to crash for a while after breaking up with her abusive boyfriend. She stays with Bobby who is like father to her. But she has never met the Winchesters. Until now. And she has no idea how this could change her life.
1. Chapter 1

The car door closed with a loud squeak and I made a grin. I should've fixed that a thousand times by now but there was always something more important on my mind than that. I looked at the old house. No matter what, I loved that place – it felt like home; no other place made me feel that way. With a huge smile I went to the door and banged on it.

"Hey, Grandpa!" I shouted out loud "Open up, it's me!" the door was already half open when I added quickly "And if you splash me in the face with…"

Holy water did splash me in the face and I rubbed it with my hands to wipe it away.

"Thanks, Bobby!" I growled and looked him angrily; he was doing that every single time I came over and I hated him for that; I had my suspicions he was doing it just because he knew it was irritating me "You want me to cut my veins with silver blade and maybe eat some salt?"

"No harm to be cautious" he shrugged his shoulders, barely hiding his smile

"Yeah, right" I kissed him on the cheek and entered the house "Are you alone?"

"Not exactly" Bobby closed the door and headed to the kitchen so I followed him.

"Not exactly?" I imitated him with irony, entering the kitchen and in the middle of it was Sheriff Jody Mills, holding an old book that I didn't have to look its title to know what it was – esoteric book about religions. She looked up at me and smiled

"Hi there" she greeted me and looked at Bobby "I didn't know you were expecting company"

I greeted her too and smiled, and then I attacked Grandpa

"Really, Bobby?!" I looked him with judgment "You involved her too?"

"Hey, don't look at me, missy" he put his apron on and went to the oven "Sam and Dean involved her"

Ah, the Winchesters – the brothers well-known among the hunter community. They were kind of celebrities. Some loved them and some hated them for their deeds in the supernatural world. I didn't know in which group I was because of the simple fact I never met the brothers even though they were regular visitors to Bobby Singer's place, just like me. I looked to the Sheriff, than back to Bobby. Oh, there was definitely something between those two and I couldn't help it but smile.

"Whatever" I mumbled and asked "What are you researching for?"

"It's for Garth. I think he came across some god worshipping rituals in Nevada" answered the Sheriff "Not quite sure yet, but Bobby needed help to get this" and she pointed the book in her hands

"The hell! Where did you two steal it from?"

"The University library" answered the Sheriff with a bit guilty expression

"We kinda borrowed it" added Bobby

"Really? Is that how you call it, Grandpa?" I arched my eyebrows and grabbed a beer from the fridge

"Call me 'Grandpa' one more time and I'll kill you myself" he threatened me with the ladle in his hand, while he was preparing vegetable soup.

I chuckled.

"Yeah, I love you too" I said to him and opened my beer; I could see the huge smile on the Sheriff's face.

Bobby wasn't actually my grandfather. I used to call him so just to irritate him; he wasn't even that old even though I knew him since I was a child. He was a friend of my father and when Dad got killed because of a demon when I was fifteen, Bobby helped me and introduced me into the supernatural world that my father had insisted to be kept in secret from me – for my own safety; which actually explained a lot when it came to Bobby – from his house full of books and weapons, to his sometimes, if not always, strange behavior. I loved that man. He was crotchety, always with his own opinion, but he had a good heart and he was like father to me, even though I couldn't visit him often.

Sometimes I helped him with researches but I preferred not to go on hunts. I was a lousy hunter. My dad was retired marine so he had taught me how to take care of myself – how to fight and shoot. Bobby taught me how to deal with every supernatural creature he knew about. So everyone would think I'd be a great hunter; but I wasn't. I couldn't fight. I didn't want to hurt anyone because the last time I used my combat skills my own father was the one who paid the price. Bobby knew very well of my reluctance to use my skills so he wasn't sending me on cases very often. If he did, it was because there was no free hunter in the area of the accident and he was sure what I was going to deal with and that I could manage to do it on my own. I was good at researches even though I had to admit that the hunts were quite exiting. But I just couldn't force myself into a real fight. And Bobby kept me away from that.

Soon the Sheriff left and the soup was ready so I decided it was my turn to cook. Bobby sat near the table with a bottle of beer and a book full of lore stories in his hand.

"What are you doing here?" he asked while I was slicing few peaches I found

"Preparing cobbler" I answered "And maybe some pie after that."

"Boohoo, missy" he said a bit angrily "I'm not born yesterday. You were here last week and there's nothing you can say that'll make me believe you missed me that much. Plus, you always call to tell me when you're coming, except this time. So, spit it out. What's wrong?"

I sighed. I knew I had to tell him. He was going to find out one way or another. Even the Sheriff could tell him after she read the restraint order the judge signed for me this morning.

"It's Bill" I said "I left him"

Bobby squeezed his eyes, watching me with suspicion over the book's edge.

"Why? I thought you were happy with him"

I rolled up my sleeves so he could see the bruises my boyfriend left there after our last argument. He was so drunk and angry for no reason. And it wasn't the first time he hit me. At least this time I wasn't with black eye and split lips – Bobby didn't need to know this so I kept it quiet with my personal life around him. Last night I had it enough, I packed my things and left. I didn't have where else to go so I ended up at Bobby's.

"Balls!" Bobby cursed when he saw my arms

"He's a drunk" I said "And he likes to tell me what to do. And he believes that the solution of every argument is to beat me up."

"And you didn't tell me. Or defended yourself!" I could feel the accusation in his words and I didn't blame him; I should've told someone long ago instead putting up with Bill's awful behavior and doing nothing about it.

"It wasn't that serious." I lied without even blinking my eye "But I had enough of his temper so I went to the police. He won't be bothering me anymore. I got a restraint order." Then I looked Bobby and fade smile stretched my lips "I didn't know where else to go. Is it okay if I stick around for a couple of days?"

"You're doing researches for me though" Bobby pointed at me with the book and took a sip from his beer

I laughed. I loved that old man so much.

"I always do researches, Grandpa"

He made disgust grin and his nose hit the book while he was reading carefully. I smiled and went on with preparing the pie. He didn't spoke about Bill. Nor did I. But I knew he was pissed and that soon I'd get a nice lecture for being such an "idjit" for not kicking Bill's ass and how I had to get together and stop with the can't-hit-anyone crap. He was right, of course, not that I'd tell him that. And still I really couldn't hit anyone. I couldn't let myself hurt someone again.

Next morning I woke up pretty late. Still quite sleepy I went down the hallway to the bathroom with my toothbrush in hand. I reached for the door in the same time it was opened from the inside and I ran into someone's naked chest. Cloud of hot water vapour came along with that someone.

"The fuck are you?" I mumbled and tilted back my head to see who tried to run over me; two amazing green eyes were already looking down at me with a wide smirk on their owner's face

"And you are?" he asked while I was taking a step back so I could have a proper look on him

Damn, he was handsome. And his tall wet naked body covered only by a towel round his waist was a nice sight for every girl and I wasn't an exception. His short brown hair bristled in every possible direction. And on his left side on his chest he had the very same anti-possession tattoo I had. On another part of my body, of course, but that was irrelevant right now…

"Nice tattoo" I said trying not to stare at his perfect body; I tried to get pass him and get into the bathroom

"Really?" he smiled widely while he was stepping back so I can go in "You wanna one too?"

I stopped and looked at him with arched eyebrows and a huge cocky smirk. He was hunter, I was sure of that; otherwise he wouldn't be at Bobby's place. He must've arrived late last night after I went to bed or early this morning. Somehow I got the impression I had to know who he was, I just couldn't figure it out yet – after all I just got out of bed.

"Actually I already got one" I said and winked at him

"Where?" I could've swore his eyes widen with curiosity and flirtation

"On part of my body you'll never see" I smiled back and closed the door behind me right into his face

"Hey, I'm Dean by the way" I heard his voice throughout the bathroom's door

"Nice to meet you, Winchester" I shouted back as I flushed the tap and looked at my reflection in the mirror.

In the moment he said his name I knew who I was talking to, no, I corrected myself, flirting with. But only now I realized how I looked – with that messy hair and only with the sleeping Mickey Mouse T-shirt on that was barely covering my ass. I grinned realizing my ass was covered only with bikini on Sponge Bob. I sighed. After all, there was a chance he didn't notice. But I doubted it. I sighed again. At least I wasn't wearing thong.


	2. Chapter 2

Half an hour later after my encounter with the elder Winchester I got downstairs fully dressed up. I found Dean Winchester in the kitchen; he had attacked my homemade apple pie with such fierceness as if he was never gonna get a decent meal in his life ever again. It was just amazing what presence the man had. Even covered with clothes his body still looked gorgeous. I tried not to smile when I realized he was wearing almost the same plaid shirt like the one on me. And the same boots.

"Morning" I said

He raised his eyes from the pie in his plate and wide smile appeared on his face.

"Ah, our huntress finally showed her face"

"Huntress?" I raised my eyebrows with irony; I wasn't sure that this word even existed in the dictionary in the supernatural world, "I prefer to stay with the books, dude"

"Right… And what about Mickey?"

I rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe he was making jokes about my sleeping T-shirt. At least he didn't ask about Sponge Bob.

"What? That mouse…" I realized I was actually answering him and that made me irritable "Go the hell, Winchester." I growled

"Been there. Didn't like it" he said, his face serious as death herself – so the rumors were true, he did sell his soul for his brother and then rose from the death. I wasn't a hunter but I kept myself well-informed for the events in the supernatural world. I felt guilty for my reaction and decided to take it easy with him; all of a sudden his features softened and he smiled again "So, will I see Mickey ever again?"

"Please, he got the day off. But when I see him, I'll ask him for you" I winked

I got closer to the table before he could answer me because of his mouth full of food and realized one thing.

"You ate all the pie?" I couldn't believe it; yesterday I had made a whole large baking tin that now was empty

"I love pie" he said mouthful, satisfaction written all over his pretty face; which only made me more edgy – that was my pie; so much with taking it easy.

"Yeah? Well, you're not the only one, you jerk."

Someone laughed and I turned around just to face a tall young man with dark hair, cute smile and nice hazel eyes. He looked a bit like Dean and it was clear they were brothers. He was wearing the same outfit like Dean. It must've been some hunters' thing with the plaid shirts, old jeans and Walmart boots. And somehow I fitted in, 'cause I was wearing the same. And I wasn't even a hunter…

"You must be Sam, right?" I asked with a smile and reached for a handshake "I'm Blake"

"Nice to meet you" he looked so charming when smiling; just like his brother

"Want a sandwich?" I asked and opened the fridge

"No, thanks. I just ate" he said

"I want" Dean smirked and looked at me; actually he looked at my ass because I was bent down into two, my head in the fridge

"You ate my pie, so excuse me if I'm not eager to prepare you something to eat" I took out of the fridge some bread, mayo, ham and suspiciously looking green thing that I wasn't sure I could eat; I think it was lettuce. "Where's Bobby?" I asked taking slice of bread.

"In the living room" Sam answered

"Hey, Grandpa, want a sandwich?" I yelled loud enough for him to hear me

I saw the surprise written on the Winchesters' faces. Obviously no one called Bobby Singer "Grandpa". Except me.

"Call me "Grandpa" one more time" Bobby's voice grumbled from the next room and made me smile from ear to ear

"And I'll kill you myself" I said simultaneously with him but with no noise coming out of my mouth; he was always threatening me with the exact same words.

The boys exchanged amused looks and laughed quietly.

"So… where are you from?" Dean asked, trying to start a conversation; I could see his curiosity written all over his face; and his flirtatious cocky smirk.

"Does it matter?" I replied; I didn't want to talk about home or Dad. "Here" I said and put one of the sandwiches in Dean's plate; he attacked it immediately – I was wondering where the hell he was storing all that food.

"How long will you be staying here?" this time Sam asked, changing the theme

"I don't know, actually" I admitted "For now I'm homeless"

"You can stay as long as you want" Bobby appeared on the kitchen's door; he adjusted his cap

"Thanks, Bobby. Your sandwich's on the table" I smiled at him, grabbed my sandwich, kissed him on the cheek while passing by him and went out; I could feel the boys' eyes fixed on my back but I didn't care.

Fifteen minutes later with full stomach and real satisfaction I loaded the rifle and aimed at the cans I just finished placing on one of the old wrecked cars' hood. That was an old habit of mine. Every time I came to see Bobby, I was practicing my shooting skills. It reminded me of Dad and even though it usually made me sad I was kind of happy too. It was silly but I liked shooting and it helped me clear my head.

"I didn't know bookworms could shoot" Dean's voice came from behind me.

I rolled my eyes and turned around to face him, being careful where the gun was pointing. Huge smirk was on his face, his green eyes shining with amusement; I realized he didn't believe I could shoot. I shifted the gun's barrel a little bit; still it was pointing the ground. I smiled widely at Dean and pulled the trigger. The bullet hit the ground just inches from his feet. He jumped out of his skin and stared at me with shocked face.

"Son of a bitch! Are you crazy!?" he shouted at me

"Don't call me bookworm again" I smiled sweetly at him and quickly reloaded the gun

"You are crazy!" he said, shaking his head

I aimed at the first can in the row.

"I know" I said and shot; then I reloaded again before the first can even hit the ground

In less than a minute all the fifteen cans fell down with perfect holes in the middle of them. It was quite noisy which for a while prevented Dean from talking to me.

"You're good" he admitted; I could see some kind of respect in his eyes

"Thanks" I went to gather the cans

"Who taught you?"

"Dad"

Then I saw the car parked next to my old baby blue Ford Mustang.

"Oh, my God!" I almost screamed out of excitement "Is that yours? It's awesome!"

Dean looked at me and huge proud smile appeared on his face. I clapped the gun into his hands and approached the black car.

It was Chevy Impala '67. I wanted one for my sixteenth birthday. I didn't have ten at that time. Dad looked at me, smiled and said that I'd get my dream car only if I learn how to take care of it. So from that moment I got obsessed with retro cars. I knew everything about them and the things I couldn't fix about them could be counted on the fingers of my hand. Still I ended up with Mustang '65 because Dad couldn't find Impala and bought me my second favorite car. I got my car keys before my 16th birthday, just couple of days after dad's death.

Dean was smiling at me while I was circling the Impala, thinking I didn't notice. It wasn't the flirtation smirk, just warm happy smile. I was so excited about the car that I was on my way to start hyperventilating. I didn't realize I was making the car "complete diagnostics" as Dad was mocking me when I was listing a vehicle's features. Then Dean surprised me when asked if I wanted to make a quick ride, of course him driving. The truth was I wasn't giving a damn who was driving the car as long as I could proudly say I was taken for a ride by Chevy Impala '67 – my dream car!

Since that unique moment Dean and I became sort of best friends. Especially when I found his collection of tapes – I jested with him for his ancient possessions. He tried to bed me every time he got the chance and I was having fun flirting with him but I made it quite clear that Hell's going to freeze before I let him between my legs – hunters never had serious relationships and he was hell of a hunter, but I wanted something sure and steady, not a man I was going to worry if he'd come back to me alive or how damaged he'd get because of the job. We had our pick up lines but that was the line and none of us crossed it. It became sort of a game for us to see who'd come with a better line. I liked that maybe because I was the one who was getting scores most of the time.

The brothers came and went, sometimes staying for few hours, sometimes for days. My stay at Bobby's house somehow became permanent. That wasn't a problem for anyone. My job didn't require my presence at the office; I could work from home as far as I got Internet access, so everything was cool regarding that matter. Even he didn't admit it, Bobby was happy to have someone to make him company; there was no possible way for him not feeling lonely from time to time. I took care of him, making sure he was eating regularly; I was trying to maintain the house clean and keep some order among all the books and supernatural stuff he had, I was going often to the grocery and preparing his meals – he couldn't complain about that, 'cause I was a great cook. Sometimes he was sending me with the Sherriff to check cases if she had her doubts something weird's going on.

The Winchesters' were a big deal and I was definitely in the group of those who loved them, even though I wasn't a hunter. Getting to know Dean Winchester was hell of an experience. Apart from his good looks he was smart and kind. He was a good man with heart of gold and I couldn't understand how he couldn't see himself the way I saw him – selfless and heroic. He was funny and sassy but I knew that was a mask he hid behind because he was hurt and confused and tired. He didn't have to tell me all that, I saw it. I knew that look his face had very well – I had seen it on my Dad's face, even though back then I didn't know what it meant. I admired Dean. They said he was one of the best hunters ever. But he was an amazing man, too. His love for his little brother was so strong. He had such a strong bound with Sam that sometimes I wondered if something bad happened how they'd live without one another. They were ready on anything for each other and that was something that not everyone could praise with – to have someone who cared for you so much that he was ready to die for you, to be someone's whole world. Sam was a good soul, full of compassion and so understandable and reliable – he had his own demons too, but he managed them. He was funny and a complete nerd sometimes, but the good part was I could talk to him about everything and he'd never judge me, he'd just listen and tell me his opinion without making fun of me or telling me how wrong I am. Him and Dean… and Bobby, of course, they became my family


	3. Chapter 3

**Note:** _Here is the next chapter, as some of you asked. :) It really means the world to me that there are people who like what I write. Please, let me know what you think about the new chapter :)_

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Days were rolling on, becoming weeks, and weeks turned into months. It took me a while to realize I was eager for the boys' returns and I was impatient to see them again. I spent a lot of time worrying about them even though I was aware of the fact they were all grown men and could take care of themselves. Couple of times they came home pretty beaten up and covered with bruises but nothing serious actually. Except the last time, a week ago when I almost freaked out when I saw them – there was too much blood for my taste.

It was already dark outside and I was on my laptop, working in my room when I heard the Impala's grumble. I could never mistake that sound – I knew it as well as the sound my Mustang made when I start the engine. I huge happy smile appeared on my face and I rushed downstairs to meet the boys. I felt something's wrong the moment I opened the door for them. Sam limped, there was blood all over him – I was hoping it wasn't his - and Dean was moving so carefully as if every part of his body was in pain. I ran down the stairs. They both were a mess – bloody and dirty, looked exhausted and on their last leg.

"What happened?" I could hear the panic in my voice "Are you okay?"

"Do we look okay, Blake?" Dean growled at me "Help Sammy."

"Fuck off, Winchester!" I barked back at him and met Sam on the halfway to the house, offering him my shoulders to lean on them; faint grateful smile appeared on his lips, Dean trailed after us. Sam quickly briefed me about the situation – cut wound that needed stitches, sprang leg and Dean's dislocated shoulder – I wondered how he managed to drive in that condition.

Once we got in the living room, I put Sam on the couch and rushed for bandages while he was taking his shirt off – I knew Dean wouldn't let me even look at him before I take care of his little brother. Dean sat on the closest to the door chair and his eyes followed me with concern while I was rushing around to get ice for Sam's ankle and needle to patch him up. I felt knot in my stomach – I hated blood, mine or someone else's, it always made me sick. I took a deep breath to calm myself down and do what I had to. Bobby was checking a case with the sheriff so I was everything the boys had and I was not going to let them down.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Dean asked

If I could kill with my eyes in that moment in front of me would've been his roasted ass. Still, I decided to answer him while I was inspecting Sam's wound and cleaning the blood on his shoulder around the deep cut.

"Dad taught me" I said, ignoring the feeling of retch in my stomach; I really hated blood

"What didn't he teach you?" Dean asked sarcastically

I knew what he was doing – he was trying to keep his mind busy so he wouldn't think of the pain or worry too much about his brother. So I decided to keep a conversation with him, plus I needed to stop thinking about all that blood in front of my eyes, or I was going to throw up. But the truth was I didn't know what to answer him. Dad taught me a lot of things – to fight, to shoot, to survive in the open, to track different kind of trails, to render first aid. Sometimes I thought he was preparing me for the apocalypse and I was making jokes about that all the time – jokes he really disapproved. Now everything was clear to me. I knew why he did it. He wanted to be sure I could take care of myself no matter what. He even once made me stitch him up. Back then I didn't know how he had got injured but right now I supposed it was from a hunt. I didn't look to Dean when the words came – I was too busy taking care of Sam who silently stood throughout the procedure.

"What he didn't teach me is how to make assholes like you shut the hell up" I smiled at him "Are you two hungry?" I asked "I think there are stakes in the fridge"

"No" Dean shook his head "But I'd be better with a beer."

I raised an eyebrow while carefully making the last stitch on Sam's shoulder.

"Really, Winchester? That won't help you with the pain" I said and patted Sam on the back "You're ready" I took a deep breath; I didn't puke so I was proud of myself, or maybe I should say proud of my stomach

"Thanks, Blake" the little Winchester said and smiled at me

"You're welcome, Sam" I winked at him "Now if you're not gonna eat, take your ass upstairs and go to bed. You look like shit and you need some rest"

"Well, that was nice" Sam said while putting back his shirt on; he didn't even realized it's ruined with all the blood stains on it

"Well" I leaned and put a quick kiss on his cheek "Go get some sleep. I'll take care of Dean, promise. Now, disappear. Doctor's order"

He laughed and tousled my hair. Sam wished good night and went to his bed. Dean gave me a strange look, while I was cleaning my hands of Sam's blood. I was going to need more ice and wet towels so I went to get the materials I needed to patch him up.

"Come here" I said and patted the couch so he'd sit next to me "Give me your back"

He obediently did what I told him. I helped him to take of his leather jacket I liked so much on him. I put my hands on his dislocated shoulder. It was going to hurt him like a bitch.

"So…" I started "What were you after this time?" I was trying to distract him

"Just fix my shoulder" he said irritably

"Oh, Dean, you're such a dick sometimes" I said and with quick smooth move pulled and heard how his bones cracked

He moaned when his shoulder got back on its place

"Son of a bitch!" he cursed

"Sorry" I made guilty face; I really hated I caused him pain

I took a wet towel and kneeled in front of him and started cleaning his face. Then I saw his split lip and his black eye. My heart ached and I made a grin. I didn't even realized what I was doing but my hand cupped his cheek gently, my thumb on his lips. His green eyes were burning me. In that moment I realized something. It hit me hard – I was having a crush on him. I bit my lower lip and quickly pulled my hand away, taking the towel again. I could feel his gaze on me but I didn't dare to meet his eyes. I felt my blood racing through my veins. How could I have been so stupid – for weeks all I'd been doing is waiting eagerly to see him and spend time with him. How became so that it hit me so late? I wanted a serious relationship – something he couldn't give me, even if he tried. And I already had told him I wasn't interested in him that way. I thought about it – maybe even back then subconsciously I knew I was lying. But we friend-zoned one another long ago and I didn't want to ruin our friendship so I had to get over it no matter what.

I quickly cleaned his face, trying to be tender and not cause him any pain with that black eye. I stood up and went to the kitchen to leave the towels. When I came back with bottle of beer in my hand Dean was still on the couch – leaned back with his eyes half-closed. He looked asleep, but I knew him well enough and I could feel his look on me. I sat next to him and handed him the beer. He smiled and that warmed my heart. I relaxed; I could feel the warmth of his body next to mine. Somehow we ended in a hug, his head resting on my shoulders. The beer was long forgotten and left on the floor. My fingers were in his hair, stroking him gently. I knew how tired he was, I could hear him sighing. Dean was sick with the life he was leading, and still it was the only one he knew – the only thing that was helping him to keep going was the fact he helped people. I hugged him tighter, trying to comfort him and give him some peace. Involuntary I started humming an old lullaby that was stuck in my mind since my childhood.

"What's that?" Dean asked after a while, his voice sleepy

"Cuddling with my best friend" I smiled at him, hoping he couldn't hear my heart bumping in my chest

"No, the song…"

"Oh" I was confused for a moment "An old lullaby Dad used to sing to me" the song was "My Wayward Son" by Kansas

"But you're a girl…" now he was confused and his sleepy look made me laugh

"Dad always sad I'm the son he always wished for"

Dean mumbled something and put his head back on my shoulder. I continued humming and soon his breathing became even and deep. He was asleep. I couldn't help myself and I put a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"Sweet dreams, Dean" I wished him and cuddled next to him, closing my eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

A week later I was trying to repair my Mustang. It made some really strange noises and it refused to start which made me quite edgy. The Winchesters were on another hunt and Bobby went to the University library to "borrow" another book he needed but he should've come home soon. My thoughts were going back in that night I spent cuddled next to Dean on the couch. I couldn't stop feeling butterflies in my stomach every time I thought of him. When Sam saw us on the morning, wrapped around one another he couldn't hide his all-knowing smile. But Dean and I acted as if nothing happened and I preferred that. We had a small talk, including him with a large smirk on his face

"If I didn't know you, I'd say you had a thing for me" Dean winked at me while helping me get up

"Thank god, you know me" I answered with irony

"Why?" he insisted smiling cheeky "You really wouldn't make out with me?"

"In your dreams, Winchester" I said and went to prepare breakfast

And that was it. The topic was closed. And for the best. We weren't for each other and he was my friend – end of story.

"Damn it" I cursed while watching under the hood – everything seemed just right. Where the hell was the problem?!

I was all covered with grease my shirt, my hands, I wouldn't be surprised if I had and on my face and hair. I looked up – the sun was shining bright and the sky was clear. Nice weather for a picnic, but I ignored that thought and lied beneath the car. I cursed – I couldn't see a damn thing here. I needed a flashlight to check if the problem for the strange noise was down here – otherwise I was going to ask Dean for help, I really didn't know what to do, which was quite unpleasant surprise for me.

I heard footsteps. I quickly assumed Bobby was home and was sure he could give me a hand with the car.

"Hey, Grandpa, be nice and give me the flashlight. It's in the tool box." I turned my head

Even under the car I could see that the shoes next to my legs weren't Bobby's. Damn it. A cold shiver went down my spine.

"So you're hiding from me in this den, huh?" I knew this voice pretty well; I felt ice-cold fear flowing in my veins

I crept out of under the car to face my ex.

"Bill?" I was shocked, breathing hard "What are you doing here?"

His face was all anger.

"I came for you" he looked around and I warily went round the car leaving it between both of us "I should've figured it out earlier you'd be here" he looked back at me and I could easily recognize the huge amount of alcohol in his system "You're coming home with me"

"I ain't going anywhere with you" I said making another step back, ready to run

"Why? You, whore, you're sleeping with one of them, aren't you?" his voice was rage; his fingers were clenched into fists as he approached me "Those brothers. I can bet it's the green-eyed, right? I've seen you together"

"You've been watching me?" I couldn't hide the panic in my voice, stepping back "I left you, Bill. We broke up." I tried to reason him

"You ran away!" he yelled at me, quickly closing the distance between us

I freaked out and ran but he was faster and stronger. He grabbed my hair, his fist hit my jaw. I screamed, raising my hands to hide my face. Somehow I managed to wrench myself away but he slapped me so hard in the face I fell on the ground. I felt the familiar taste of blood in my mouth. I crawled back trying to put some distance between me and Bill. I could've protect myself… but I wasn't going to… the memories of what happened the last time I defended myself flooded my mind, tears were filling my eyes. Bill was going to beat me up and this time it was going to be worse than ever before. I could see it in his mad eyes. I hoped that the restraint order would keep me save but I was wrong. Bill grabbed my arms and put me on my feet, his breath was poisoned with alcohol. He hit me again and I hugged the ground.

"Hey, douchebag!" familiar voice, full of anger came across the yard; Bill froze in surprise.

I arose, spitting blood, to see Dean. He was back and fade smile appeared on my face. If I didn't know him, I'd be scared as hell – he was so pissed off. And he was quickly shortening the distance between Bill and himself. I saw he looked me with concern; then he focused on Bill with rage in his eyes.

"Why don't you pick up someone your size?" Dean barked and his fist landed in Bill's face; they fought.

I quickly got on my feet and tried to separate them from one another - they were beating the crap out of each other – but ended on the ground again because Bill knocked me down. I could see Dean's lips bled. And in that moment I totally lost it. I got up and managed to get between them. I pushed Dean away, taking his gun from his belt with a swift move –he didn't even realize what I did, and in the same time kicked Bill in the balls. With only two quick moves he was on the ground, not able to catch his breath because of my foot on his throat and the blood flowing out of his broken nose. I pointed the gun to his head, my finger on the trigger. I could hear Dean breathing heavily next to me, his eyes full of surprise. But I knew he wouldn't stop me.

"Well, Bill" I hissed, my voice was calm and cold, I still had taste of blood in my mouth "now our positions are switched. I never fought back because I didn't want to hurt you – I didn't care how bad you'd beat me up. But you hurt someone you shouldn't. And you're gonna pay for that." I was going to shoot him and felt no regret or gilt for that. Maybe, after all, I was nothing more but cold-blooded murderer. I didn't really care.

Half an hour later I was staring at the ceiling of the cell Dean and I were locked up in. Bill was somewhere here too. The police officers were smart enough to separate us. Lucky for Bill the police showed up in the last minute and locked the three of us up – obviously one of Bobby's neighbors, Marcy Ward, called the police because she saw suspicions guy trespassing upon Bobby's yard. Bill got away from my gun with his miserable life.

I was lying on the floor, trying to avoid talking to Dean. I could feel his eyes fixed on me.

"So… Warrior Princess" Dean said "You're hell of kick ass hunter."

That made me smile. I made a grin – my jaw was pulsating; it was going to be a nice bruise there

"God, I forgot what it feels like…" I mumbled while sitting next to Dean

"What?" he looked confused

"Being beaten up" I said "I forgot how every part of your body is in pain and the headache is so unbearable you wanna just shoot yourself"

"I thought you were a bookworm" he irritated me "That's the after-hunt-feeling you just described"

"I've never been on a real hunt, Dean" I dared to look at him

"You mean…" his look changed when he realized what I was telling him "Who's he? I'm gonna kill the sonvabitch!"

"No, you won't" I said calmly "He's my ex-boyfriend. That's how we usually argued." I smiled a little trying not to move my jaw

Dean's lips were split. And he had a black eye. Again - this time because of me.

"You shouldn't have interfered" I said quietly

"And let him beat you up?" he was shocked and angry of my words "Not a damn chance!" he hissed in low voice "I won't let anyone hurt you!"

"I can take care of myself, Dean" I said softly

"Yeah, I saw that" he looked irritated "You were going to let him beat you up. Even though you could kick his ass for less than a second"

I sighed and closed my eyes. How was I supposed to explain him that?!

"I just… You don't understand"

"Make me understand" I felt his fingers on my hand and I opened my eyes just to see his concern for me "We've got time" he smiled "Sam and Bobby won't come right away. It'll take them time to bail us out. Talk to me."

"Oh, shit… Fine!" I grumbled and took a deep breath "You know why I never talk about my Dad?"

"Not really. I only know that before his death you knew nothing about those things" Dean said quietly "Bobby said a demon killed him"

"No. It wasn't the demon. It was me. I killed him."


	5. Chapter 5

"What?" Dean gasped in shock and surprise in my statement. Well, I'd also be shocked if someone just had told me they killed their own father.

"He was possessed." I quietly said "In the minute I saw him I knew something's wrong. Then his eyes went black and we got in a pretty serious fight. I didn't know who I was fighting with but I was damn sure it wasn't my dad. Just something that looked like him. I…" my voice cracked and I sighed; Dean's fingers squeezed my hand with support "I stabbed him. Right in the heart, just the way he taught me. But he didn't die and I freaked out. Dad always told me if something's wrong to lock myself in his office and call Bobby. So I did. But the demon broke in and got into a devil's trap. Back then I didn't know why he couldn't go further but I knew I was saved. When I called Bobby he exorcised the son of a bitch on the phone speakers and said he's on his way. Dad died in my arms from the very same wound I made in his chest" I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. "I killed my own father, Dean. It wasn't the bloody demon, it was me. His last words were he had been proud of me. That he couldn't even wish for a better son"

I hid my face in my hands. No one knew what I was about to tell him. Except Bobby but only because he was there, helping me give Dad the hunter's burial. That reminded me that back then Bobby tried to comfort me and told me that he had to shoot his own wife because of the same reasons I killed Dad and that by time I'll get use to the pain and it'll be easier to keep going. The memories made me swinging from one emotion to another. But I forced myself to continue. Dean deserved my trust. I tried to stop crying – I knew it made him feel uncomfortable, because he didn't know how to react on that and what to do.

"Since then I couldn't hit a thing. In front of my eyes is always my dad stabbed with the kitchen knife, blood all over. I live in constant fear that if I fight back, I'll hurt someone. Just like I killed Dad." I couldn't breathe; there was not enough air and my lungs burnt – I was hyperventilating.

"Hey" Dean's voice was low, his hands hugged me, pulling me closer to him "It's not your fault, you hear me. Don't blame yourself. Calm down, it's not your fault."

I could feel the beat of his heart so I tried to adjust my breathing with it. Soon it normalized but I felt so safe and warm in Dean's arms I couldn't force myself to move away from him.

"Can I ask you something?" Dean quietly said, his voice calm and soft

"Yeah, sure…"

"What made you fight back today? I mean Bill…"

"You" I mumbled

"Me? What…" his features were confounded

I tilted my head so I could meet his incredible green eyes.

"You got hurt because of me. I couldn't let that happen."

"I'm tough guy, Warrior Princess, don't worry about me." he smirked; I raised my hand and gently put it on his cheek – that made him shut up

"Obviously you're my weak spot, Dean Winchester. I'm always worried about you"

"Hey, no chick-flick moments" he grumbled but he couldn't hide his satisfied smile; though he looked a bit shocked that someone could care that much about him.

"No chick-flick moments, dude" I promised but couldn't get away from him; for third time since we met our eyes locked in such an intensive gaze full of sparkles; for third time I wished to kiss him so badly that it hurt me; and for first time I wasn't sure if I'd manage to stop myself from doing that.

I didn't realize who closed the gap between us – was it me or him, or maybe both of us. It was a gentle kiss that quickly was deepened. In a second he was all over me, pushing my body against the cold bench. My hands were in his hair, pulling him towards me, my legs around his waist. Dean's hands were on my thighs, gently pressing them against his warm body. My pulse was racing, my breathing was heavy. I was melting under his touch. It was sweet and warm and safe; and in that moment everything felt so right – I was exactly where I wanted to be – in his arms. Dean tucked his hand under my shirt and I trembled, arching my body against his, feeling him on my naked skin; my fingers went on his zip. I chuckled; we were about to do it in the fucking police department, locked in a cell. I could feel his smile upon my skin while he was kissing my neck.

Someone cleared their throat. I twisted my body to see who it is looking us through the cell bars. And there they were – Bobby, Sam and Sheriff Mills who was holding keys in her hand, all of them trying not to smile or laugh. Dean was so smug while helping me get on my feet. I felt a bit ashamed and in the same time amused. Their expressions were priceless – Bobby rolling his eyes, Sam with an all-knowing smile; Sheriff was obviously feeling a bit uncomfortable and surprised. I couldn't help myself but smirk while pulling my shirt down.

"Took you a while" I said smiling from ear to ear as if nothing really happened; as if I wasn't caught red handed making out with Dean

"Obviously not long enough" Bobby nibbled at me and I pulled him a face but kept the answer on my lips for myself

"So, will you get us out of here or what?" Dean asked with a self-satisfied smile

"We can come back later if you want" Sam suggested

"Bitch!" Dean barked

"Jerk."

I smiled. Their brotherly love for each other was hell of a thing. I found the way they were showing their feelings for each other by offends quite sweet and amusing. Sheriff Jody opened the cell door and I sneaked out heading to her office – I knew there's some paperwork that should be done with our bailing out. The others followed me. On the half of the way I stood face to face to Bill and a well suited up man - obviously his lawyer. Our eyes locked and I did my best to show him how exactly much I didn't care about him. Dean cursed and rushed towards him. I managed to stop him putting my hands on his chest.

"It's not worth it, Dean" I said and looked up in his green eyes "It's not worth it."

"Yeah, call off your puppy, Blake, 'cause it can get ugly" Bill sniggered; his face was bruised and his nose tumid; he was limping and I felt really ugly amount of satisfaction

"Yeah? You wanna try my fist again?" Dean growled and this time Sam and Bobby put their hands on his shoulders holding him back. I looked at Bill with disgust; I didn't know what I had seen in him to stay with him for over two years. At the beginning he was nice, smart guy with caring heart – he was cute and I loved him. Everything was perfect for the first year and a half; but then he lost his job and left unemployed he became a drunk. He was coming home so cut off he wasn't able to spell his own name, he was anxious and angry all the time. Soon the beating started. First it was only when he was drunk but it escalated pretty quickly. He was pathetic douchebag.

"That's enough, fellas" I kept my eyes fixed on Bill "Zip up and hide the rulers" I put my hand around Dean's waist "I don't need measurements to know who's the better man"

I could hear Sam choking, trying not to laugh. Sheriff patted me on the shoulder and winked at me as if she was saying "good job". Only Bobby was silent but he wasn't the type who's gonna sing in someone's praise. On the other hand his eyes full of pride spoke for him.

Fifteen minutes later we walked out of the police department. I was walking next to Dean, Bobby and Sam ahead of us, far enough not to hear us talk. I wanted to grab his hand so badly but I didn't. I knew that'd made Dean feel uncomfortable. Rarely there was a hunter used to be shown affection to him. Dean wasn't an exception. Still I was close enough to him for our shoulders to touch while walking. I looked at him. He was so damn handsome. He looked calm and peaceful right now. I might didn't want to stay back waiting for a hunter to come home and worrying about his ass all the time but since I met Dean I was doing exactly that. Dean was worth it. And still my dad made me lethal – I realized that when I was about to shoot Bill, when somehow I overcame my fear of hurting people. I protected Dean but I could use what Dad taught me to save people. To be a real hunter, not just a bookworm. I left Bill wanting a clean start. Dean was my clean start and it was worth the shot. I didn't know what waited me from now on, what was meant to be for me and Dean but I could only hope for the best and make the best of it.

"You know" I said hesitantly, looking up to Dean's green eyes "I can be of help on your hunting trips"

"You want me to take you on a hunt?" he was surprised

"Yeah, why not?"

"Not a chance, Warrior Princess" he snapped

"Like you can stop me" I rolled my eyes

Dean sighed. He knew how stubborn I could get. I could see in his eyes I almost won this one. He just needed a little push in the right direction.

"I wanna be a hunter, Dean" I said "I'm going, with or without you. End of story." Then I added "I really prefer to be with you."

"Fine" he growled in surrender and I tried to hide my smile "But you're gonna do what I tell you. I don't wanna see you getting hurt."

"I won't get hurt" I promised and rolled my eyes.

He was so overprotective and I found it remarkably cute but I knew that in future because of that I'd have severe problems. I smiled. He agreed and I was damn happy about that.

We got into the car and drove off – Bobby and me on the back seat. Dean didn't speak about our conversation. I supposed he wanted to find a case first then tell Sam I'm joining them. Neither of us mentioned the reason Dean and I ended arrested. There was no need. Bobby told me long ago his opinion about Bill and my not-hitting-anybody problem. Sam was silent just because he was too good and kind to start questioning me and I appreciated that.

Soon we were at Bobby's. I climbed out of the Impala and waited for Sam and Bobby to get into the house. Dean agreed to take me on a hunt and that was a nice start. He deserved something in return so I decided to play it a bit naughty and catch him by surprise. I hoped it'd work. Once I was good at flirting and giving boys hints of what I want and how I want it. I hoped that I was still that good. Or at least good enough to catch Dean's attention. I tilted my head and looked at him with my eyes half-closed, biting my lower lip. Obviously it was working because Dean looked at me eagerly, little sparkles playing in his eyes – he knew well enough he was about to get laid.

"Oh, and if you want, now that we're back home we can finish what we started in that cell" I said smiling at him "And maybe I'll show you my tattoos."

"There's more than one?" Dean asked; his eyes shone with bright flame of lust and I chuckled

"There's only one way for you to find out" and I entered the house, leading him to my room.


	6. Chapter 6

**Note:** _The story was supposed to end with the fifth chapter but a lot of ideas flooded my mind so I continued writing. Hope you like it. :)_

* * *

It hurt like hell. I took a deep breath and tried to ignore the horrible pain in my leg. I had to get to Bobby. My phone was dead so my only choice was to drive as fast as possible. There was no other way of getting help. I felt dizzy because of the blood loss. I checked the rug wrapped up around my left hip. It was soaked with blood so I tried not to vomit at that ugly sight. My leg hurt every time I pressed the paddle. The car was roaring down the road but I was afraid I wasn't fast enough. I shook my head trying to keep my attention on the road. I switched on the radio to reduce the chance of losing conscious. And still the chance of car crash was big. I cursed under my breath and pressed the gas.

I was coming back from a ghost case. It was a simple salt and burn job. Soon I was on my way back when in the middle of the road home I was stopped by a police officer for document examination. It turned out he was possessed and had a hellhound with him. The stupid invisible dog attacked me in the very same moment I managed to exorcise its master. Its claws left deep wounds on my leg and I barely got in the car and took off, running away. That's when I realized my phone was dead and I was on my own. And I needed help badly.

After an hour or something I managed to stop my car in front of Bobby's house. I opened the door and hissed in pain when I tried to climb out. After a few seconds of struggle with the fucking pain I managed to get out. I realized I couldn't walk, I staggered and leaned on my Mustang. I was feeling really weak and my head was spinning, my hands were shaking. I reached and pressed the hooter, making unbelievable noise. Just in seconds the front door was wide opened and Dean showed up, followed close by Sam.

"What the hell, Blake!" Dean grumbled angrily while approaching me "Where have you been?"

I couldn't answer. I had concentrated every effort to stand on my feet. He was close enough to see my poor condition. He gasped in worry, his face quickly covered with concern. I reached my hand for him and tried to step forward.

"Dean…" I mumbled when everything started spinning while I was falling down.

He managed to catch me and I felt his strong hands around my body. I relaxed in his arms and just put my head on his shoulder. Sam held the door open and Dean took me quickly inside the house. Soon I was placed on the very same couch on which I patched the boys on so many occasions. Except this time I was the one needing patching up. I heard worried voices, Bobby was around too. I heard him saying his favorite "Balls!" curse but I really didn't care. I got home so everything else was irrelevant. I needed a rest. I was so tired and closed my eyes.

"Blake, don't fall asleep" Dean shook me "Stay with me, you hear me"

I forced myself to open my eyes. His gorgeous green eyes locked mine – a shiver went down my spine and I looked away. Sam was holding a needle, Bobby just showed on the threshold bringing a bottle of Jack. I was thirsty. Obviously I said it out loud because within a second there was a glass of water held by Dean who was pressing it against my lips. Then my eyes fell on my leg – three deep long wounds. There was blood everywhere. I hated blood. I tried to ignore the feeling of retch in my stomach.

"Bobby" I called in a weak voice as he came to me "Knock me down"

"What?!" Dean looked at me as if I was delusional

"No" Bobby snapped

"I'm gonna puke" I said, trying to sit

Dean's hands pressed my shoulders and didn't let me move. I clenched my fingers around his wrist and looked at him pleadingly. He sat on the couch and took me in his hands.

"I don't care even if you throw up your own stomach" grumbled Bobby "I'm not hitting you. End of story"

"Grandpa…" I tried to protest but in that moment he poured out part of the Jack over my leg to sterilize the wounds and I hissed in pain "I'm not cleaning the carpet after that" I snarled

"What?" Sam looked at me in confusion while threading the needle

"I always feel sick in the sight of blood so it'd be better if I'm unconscious"

"You never told me" Dean's voice was full of worry and discontent "How many times you patched us up..."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Sam asked dropping eyes back on my leg

I tried not to look in that direction. I tried not to pay attention to the needle going through my flesh. It wasn't a nice feeling. Dean hugged me tighter and I tried to relax in his safe arms.

"'Cause she's an idjit" Bobby barked

"Because usually I can control myself" I corrected him trying not to move while Sam was stitching me up.

I felt Dean's breath when he exhaled in anxiety. Our relationship wasn't on its best term. Not since we hooked up. He ignored his promise and never took me on a hunt. So as I told him I started hunting on my own. The feeling was good. I felt needed and useful. I was helping people, just like Dad before me. And just like my family – Bobby and the Winchesters.

I took out bunch of demons, couple of ghosts, a ghoul, a werewolf and even a wendigo on my hunting trips. And fought with witches, vampires, skinwalkers, shapeshifters … I even encountered djinns which sure as hell wasn't a pleasant experience. And in exchange of all these hunts I got numerous scars to show off with.

But I had a little dirty secret about some of my hunts. All that hunting was to protect people and kill monsters, make the world a safer and better place. But some of the cases turned out to be just normal human criminal activity. But those people were crazy psychopaths that gave every normal person nightmares. I didn't give the local authorities a tip about their suspects. I just hunt them down. That was the very moment I realized for sure my father raised a murderer. Cold-blooded lethal killer who didn't blink an eye for taking a life. They were guilty – I made sure of that double checking every single piece of evidence I got, so they deserved what they got. But these kills… No one knew about them, no one knew how I started it or why. I was hunter and I was supposed to hunt monsters and put them down, not people. But these people were monsters, too. And this was good enough for me.

Of course Dean was not happy about me hunting so I never told him where I was going or what I was after. Only Bobby knew, and it was just a precaution; if I get in trouble or something. With me started hunting seeing the Winchester wasn't easy. We ran into each other in Bobby's house a few times for the last year or so but it was not the same. After hooking up with Dean, him not keeping his promise and me hunting, I started avoiding him, and he was acting cold. When we talked, we acted more like strangers, not like friends happy to see each other. Sometimes it worked to have a normal nice conversation full of jokes like the old times, but it was a rear event. It hurt me, I had big hopes and I felt betrayed for believing in him. It was one night stand and nothing more. Bobby was keeping it quite about that for now. Sam, he was the one I was calling every day. He became my best friend and I could talk to him about everything except my relation with his brother – Dean was off topic. Sam got his problems too. Sometimes he sneaked out of Dean's watchful eye so he could speak to me. I shared, he shared too. He was a great man every girl'd be lucky to have – he was caring, understanding, and full of sympathy and kindness. He once admitted he was going nuts after Dean died and went to hell so he wanting a revenge on demon Lilith – his brother's killer - hooked up with a demon called Ruby. She taught him how to use the demon blood and made him junky because she wanted him to kill Lilith and thus break Lucifer free. But he resisted that and that Ruby bitch was dead now and Lucifer still locked in his sell. Still, Sam sometimes had problems with his desire for demon blood so he was calling me. The conversations were tough, I was ready to jump in the car in every single second and drive off to him just to make sure he was going to be okay. Sam hated talking about that with Dean. I didn't know exactly why but I didn't ask. It was a problem between both of them.

Sam also told me how Dean was saved from Hell – by an angel called Castiel. First I couldn't believe there was such thing as angels, but hey, there were demons and bunch of other supernatural creatures, so why not angels too. I never had seen this Castiel, but Sam and Dean's opinion of him was high so he had to be a tough son of a bitch.

Now, being in Dean's arms after so much time of no contact, no talking to him I wondered why he'd act like that. Why he'd act as if I was something more than another chick in his list? My head was dazed and my body hurt, especially my leg so I wasn't in condition of thinking straight. I knew one thing for sure – he was always welcome in my bed, no matter how hurt I was going to feel after that. I needed him, his smile and attention and I knew that was the only way to get them. That's how much I cared about that bastard. That's how much influence he had on me. And I hated myself for that weakness. I was pathetic.

"Give me the bottle, Grandpa" I reached my hand and took a big sip of the Jack that almost choked me, burning my throat, than I sipped again, drinking almost the whole whiskey

"Easy, Warrior Princess" Dean said and took away the bottle before I could protest and he stood up and went to the kitchen

"You're done, Blake" Sam said quietly, looking me with his puppy eyes full of concern

"Thanks." I mumbled and tried to get up but saw different colorful patterns in front of me that completely disoriented me and just fell back down "Damn it!" I cursed, feeling pain in every single inch of my body. I sighed and closed my eyes – I was drunk. And I wasn't of those who were easily getting drunk. I supposed it was because of the blood loss.

"Get her in her room" I heard Bobby said "She needs to rest"

"She lost a lot of blood" Sam added "We need to keep an eye on her"

"She" I snapped then chuckled for no particular reason "is here and can hear you!"

Nobody seemed to pay me any attention so I hissed under my breath and eased myself back on the couch. Shit, I was drunk. I had to behave myself so I decided to keep my mouth shut.

"I'll take care of her" Dean's voice, rough and emotionless came to me

Before I could realize what was going on, he took me in his arms and carried me all the way to my room. I felt dizzy and sleepy. And really, really tired. I didn't have the strength even to protest for being treated like a child. Dean laid me carefully on my bed and I expected him to leave but I felt something cold on my cheek so I opened my eyes to see him cleaning my face with wet towel. He found my sleeping T-shirt and with a fade smile helped me to put it on. I was too exhausted even to feel embarrassed for that, or remember his joke about it at our first encounter. He was silent, but his hands were gentle and I could swear he was looking at me with care and tender. Dean checked my bandaged hip, tucked me with the blanket and stood up to leave the room.

"Dean" I uttered with a sleepy voice and his green eyes fixed me "Please, stay"

He looked a bit surprised but nodded. He lied next to me and hugged me. I was definitely drunk and out of my mind for asking him to do this but I didn't care. I smiled and made myself comfortable next to his warm strong body. Within seconds I was asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up from severe pain. It was still dark. I gave a quiet cry trying to make myself comfortable but it hurt too much just to ignore it. I felt Dean's heavy body next to me. He hadn't left and that made me smile. I looked at the clock. It was four in the morning. I managed to get out of the bed without collapsing in pain. I saw glass of water and some painkillers on my bedside table. I looked back at Dean, it was his doing. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, so beautiful and handsome that it hurt me. He really took care of me. I took the painkillers and got back in bed. He was wonderful man and I was lucky to know him. I had to give my best and restore our friendship. He was my friend too and I missed him. We were on our edges for far too long. With that thought I drifted off.

Next time I woke up I saw sunshine coming through the window. It was still early – maybe six or seven in the morning. Dean was sleeping next to me. I felt my hip aching and rolled my eyes. If I could only put my hands on that bloody hellhound and its master… I took another painkiller and got up. I found clean shirt and put on jean shorts – I couldn't bear the thigh denims around my wounded leg right now. I started brushing my hair when I heard Dean murmuring something. I looked at him closely – he was still asleep. He jerked in the bed and then I realized he was having a bad dream. Dean tossed his head left and right and continued muttering. For first time I heard fear in his voice. I quickly put aside my hear brush and hobbled to the bed. Sam had told me the nightmare's started after Dean got back from Hell. They both had a serious conversation and Sam and I thought that after that the bad dreams left his big brother alone, but obviously we were wrong.

"Dean" I said grabbing his shoulders but he continued talking in his sleep "Dean, wake up!"

He looked troubled and scared. I wasn't used to this side of him and my heart ached. He cried in his sleep so I shook him harder. He was heavy and it wasn't easy to make him feel a thing.

"Wake up, damn you!" I shouted ready to smack him in the face only to awaken him "Dean!"

He opened his eyes in shock. I could see his pain and confusion.

"Dean" I said softly, looking him with worry

He sat in the bed and rubbed his face trying to hide his feelings. I sighed and took away his hands, placing my palm on his cheek.

"It's okay. Everyone has nightmares" I tried to comfort him "You don't have to hide yourself from me" I put a gentle kiss on his cheek and hugged him.

His body relaxed in a second and he hugged me back, his hand on my back. I felt a gentle kiss on my temple and I smiled. Then I froze. What the hell was I doing? I wasn't supposed to do that. My emotions were racing through my mind, making me more confused than I already was.

"I'm gonna make breakfast" I said awkwardly and rushed limping out of the room, my heart bouncing in my chest.

I decided to make pancakes. They had to be at least twenty. At least. This time I wasn't in a mood to look after Sam's rabbit-food diet so he was going to eat what I prepared or I was going to strangle him. I switched the TV and took the eggs and the milk out of the fridge. I started humming to myself while hobbling around the kitchen preparing breakfast.

I tried to keep my mind away from Dean. I was too confused. First he made me believe I meant something for him, he slept with me. After that he started behaving as if my only existence was a tragic accident. Then he cared for me as if I was a little child which softened me and made me forget how angry and hurt I was so I asked him to stay with me. And then I comforted him after a bad dream. And he gave me an innocent kiss as if I was his sister. I hissed. This man made me crazy. I wanted to kill him. And I was eager for his touch and kisses. I cursed under my nose and took the pan.

"Morning" Bobby smiled at me, looking me from the threshold

"Morning. I'll be ready in twenty" I winked at him and moved carefully to the cooker.

"Fine, call me." and he went to the living room with a thick book in his hand – he was doing a research again

Five minutes later Sam showed up and gave me a huge bear hug.

"Nice to see you on your feet" he smiled at me letting me down

"I'm tough girl, I'll survive"

Sam gave me a puppy eye look and a smile. He was feeling sorry for me and I knew why – Dean.

"Don't look at me like that!" I said and went back to my cooking

"Like what?" he frowned

"Like I'm a rain dog"

"What? No. I…"

"Save it, Sam" I said quietly "Better check on Bobby or soon we'll have to buy him monocle or two"

He laughed and left the room. Bobby really was giving himself a hard time with all the researches and I was concerned about his sight. In that moment the TV caught my attention and I looked at the news report. There was a warning about a dangerous man, a witness and a possible suspect of a strange sequence of murders in Apple Valley, Minnesota. It was a possible case. Then they gave a picture of the man from a surveillance camera. The plate I was holding slipped from my numb fingers and crashed noisily on the floor. Memories were flooding my mind, emotions long forgotten. Dad. Black eyes. Pain. Knife. Blood. Guilt. Dad. Fire.

"Blake?" I heard Sam from the next room "You okay?"

"Yeah" I managed to answer, than I quietly choked

All of a sudden my lungs were out – taken away. I grabbed the table's edge trying to stay on my feet. I was taking shallow breaths, but there was not enough air. I was having a panic attack – one I didn't have since my dad's death. I was suffocating. I started freaking out. Panic was tearing me down. I fell on the floor, distant pain from my leg hitting the ground. My heart was bumping in my ears as I tried to get up and calm the fuck down. I needed air. Shit. I couldn't breathe.

In that moment Dean came in the kitchen. He froze for a second then calling me ran to me. He took me in his arms, cupping my face.

"Breathe!" he ordered me, his voice gruff and worried "Breathe!"

My fingers clenched around his hands while I was trying to focus myself on opening my lungs and breathing. It wasn't working. My vision blurred, my ears were ringing.

"Breathe, damn you!" Dean shouted, shaking me "C'mon, Blake, don't you leave me! Breathe!"

I tried to focus again. _Breathe in and breathe out. Breathe deep and breathe slowly_. That's what my therapist taught me. I was only fifteen back then and I was having several panic attacks a day so Bobby took me to some acquaintance of his, introduced to the hunters' world, who turned out to be a shrink. She helped me then. Her lessons were helping me now.

I wasn't taking my eyes off of Dean. He was my anchor right now_. Breathe in and breathe out. Breathe deep and breathe slowly_. Somehow I managed to get a grip and control myself. Soon enough I could feel fresh air in my lungs again. I was breathing heavily but still shaking and feeling cold. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. With trembling fingers I wiped them away. Dean pulled me in his solid arms for a hug.

"That's right" he whispered, relieve in his voice "Calm down and breathe. And don't freak me out like that ever again!"

"It's easier to say…" I muttered catching my breath, relaxing my body

Just now I saw Bobby and Sam on the door, looking at me, and worry all over their faces.

"Panic attack?" Bobby asked and I nodded "I thought you were done with that, kiddo."

"Believe me, so did I" I cleaned my throat, at least I stopped shaking

I smelled something strange.

"Damn it! I burned the pancakes" I tried to jump but my hip disagreed with me and I hissed in pain landing back on Dean's lap

Sam, however, was faster than me and took the pan off the cooker. Bobby opened the window.

"Once to leave you cook on your own and you try to set my house on fire!" he mocked at me

"Yeah, right, Grandpa!" I snarled "Because I'm eager to see my home on fire again" I pushed away Dean's hands and stood up ignoring the sharp pain – I wasn't going to be able to walk normal for weeks. Damn it.

Bobby frowned. Sam and Dean looked me in concern. I ignored them all and started cleaning the shattered plate. They were all waiting for explanation but they weren't getting one. I was in pain and shock. If before I was confused, now I was in a maelstrom of messed up emotions and thoughts. Soon enough Bobby got angry with me and growled:

"What the hell happened? You haven't got panic attacks for years. Since you…" his voice fell silent

"C'mon, say it!" I barked "Since I killed my father"

"I was gonna say since few months after your father died, but if it sounds better for you that way…"

There was an awkward silence. I had confessed to Sam about most of my past so it wasn't big news for him. Still they all looked me in shock for my harsh words on myself.

"Are you ok?" Dean asked and his green eyes fixed me with concern I didn't need

"No" I said and sighed "But I will be when I check that out."

"Blake" Sam soft voice made me take a deep breath "What happened?"

"The news" I explained quickly "I saw Dad. He's alive"

"What?" Bobby grumbled "He's dead. We burned the whole house with him in it, remember?!"

"Are you sure?" Sam put his hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me "You could've mistaken"

"I know what I saw!" I snapped and threw the remains of the plate in the garbage

"Blake…"

But I wasn't listening anymore. I knew what I saw. It was him. His face I could never forget. There was no mistake – he was alive. And I knew exactly what to do. I headed to the door.

"Where the hell are you going?" Bobby shouted after me so I stopped and turned to see three pairs of eyes watching me in worry.

"I'll need those keys, Bobby" I said quietly; the keys from my dad's rented storage – place I never set my foot in. It was about time for me to change that. It was not a coincidence that the murders happened in the same town my dad had a storage place in.

"How can you be so sure?" Bobby asked me

"He's in my nightmares every night" I smiled bitterly "How can I not be sure?"

"Fine" he sighed "And I'll have checked every second of that reporting. We need to know for sure"

"I don't need any other proof, Grandpa" I said firmly "I'm going."

I rushed out as quickly as my hurt leg allowed me and went on packing. Five minutes later I was on the outside door when Sam stopped me.

"Where are you actually going?" he was concerned "I worry about you"

"I'll be fine, promise" I smiled and put a kiss on his cheek "Where's Bobby? I need the keys"

I looked around and found him in front of my Mustang scowling at me.

"C'mon, Grandpa" I smiled at him "don't be grumpy and give me the keys. I gotta run."

I heard the Impala roaring near and saw Dean, lowering his side window

"Hop in, Warrior Princess" he smirked at me

"Hell no, Winchester" I turned to Bobby "Just give me the bloody keys so I can go"

"You're not going alone, Blake" Dean said from his seat in the car

"Yes, I am. That's personal and none of your fucking…"

"You can barely walk" Dean interrupted me "You can't convince me you'll survive to drive to wherever we're going"

"I drove to here in much worse condition" I growled, I didn't want him around me to distract me

"C'mon, Blake" Sam intervened putting his bag in the trunk "You need help for this one. As you said, it's personal and it might cloud your judgment."

"Thanks a lot for your believe in me!" I snarled angrily

"Plus" Sam continued ignoring my comment "You really can't drive in that condition. I won't let you. So, please stop being drama queen and let us help you"

"Drama queen!?" I was going to kill them all

"And guess what I got?" Dean smiled at me and showed me his hand – he was holding the keys

"I don't believe it!" I turned to Bobby "You gave them to him!?"

"Stop whining and get in the fucking car!" was Bobby's response

"Unbelievable!" I hissed in rage and threw my bag at Sam who even taken by surprise managed to catch it and put it in the trunk "One can't have personal life here!" I said and sat on the back seat putting my backpack next to me "I'll call you when we arrive, Grandpa"

"So" Dean turned in his seat to look at me but I refused to meet his eyes "Where are we going?"

I handed him the little sheet of paper with the written address while Sam was taking his shotgun seat. Oh, it was going to be a disastrous trip.


	8. Chapter 8

Well, if not disastrous, the trip was for sure long. I was drowsing on the back seat, admiring the AC/DC's "Back in Black" and trying to ignore the world, including the fucking pulsating pain in my leg. I wasn't sure why I was angry, still I was furious. I didn't want company for this trip, yet I was going to investigate my father's possible resurrection with the Winchester brothers – one of them a close friend, and the other someone I wanted to strangle with my bare hands. I hated Dean right now and I didn't know why. I wasn't sure at whom I was pissed off more – at him for acting like a dick or at myself for being so soft-hearted and full of confusing emotions around him.

"She's asleep" Sam suddenly said and the music went low

I was just about to contradict him, when Dean opened his mouth

"Fine with me"

"Dude, what the hell is going on between you two?"

"Don't know what you mean"

"C'mon, in one second you're ready to make babies in the next you're going to kill each other. You can't just ignore her like that"

"Make babies? Please, is that the best you've got?"

"Dean, don't you think I haven't notice how you look at her. Or how she looks back when she thinks no one's watching. She's smart, beautiful, caring, independent and capable of taking care of herself. What's your problem?"

"Why don't you date her since you admire her so much?" Dean barked

"Because she's not interested in me that way" Sam calmly stated

"Yeah, that's why she's always calling you and you spend hours talking with her on your phone"

"Are you jealous?" I could hear the smirk in Sam's voice

"What?! Her!? Of course not!" Dean hissed "Don't be ridiculous."

"Yeah, right…"

There was an awkward silence, and then Dean surrendered.

"I care about her, man. I don't want her to get hurt. She's strong and amazing" I could swear his voice cracked "She's better without me in her life. I'm a mess, Sammy. Complete mess and she deserves better"

"Don't you think she's got her own opinion about that?" Sam asked quietly, kindness in his voice, still not challenging his brother's statement

"Well, I don't know what she thinks anymore. First she asks me to spend the night with her. Then she acts like I'm invisible. When I help her with the panic attack she's mad at me for helping her. And she hates me for going with her after her dad. Women are confusing!"

"Don't you think, you're not acting straight either? First you flirt with her for weeks, and then you two hook up and after that you run as all hell's loosen free. You don't take her with us on hunts, as you actually promised her…"

"Wait, she told you that?" Dean was confused

"She mentioned it once" Sam exposed me and continued listing "And you act like a mad man when she starts hunting on her own. You stop talking to her and then all of a sudden you take care of her and look after her when she got drunk with that whiskey. The way I see it, she might be confused by your behavior, too. So just decide what you want and if that's her go for it. Think about it 'cause she's not gonna wait forever."

Dean didn't answer. I could hear only the Impala's engine roaring and the soft music in the background – otherwise it was completely silent. That conversation I overheard for sure was a creation of my exhausted and worried mind – no other explanation. Soon I fell asleep.

Next thing I knew was someone was shaking my shoulders.

"Wake up, Blake." It was Dean

I opened my eyes to see we were at a gas station. I had slept only an hour and a half. I rubbed my eyes and still sleepy took Dean's hand so he helped me climb out of the car. It took me a second or two to register his touch in its full power and I felt huge wave of electricity going through my body.

"Thanks" I muttered and quickly pulled my fingers away "I need to pee" I headed to the rest room

On my way back I bought two cups of coffee, sandwiches and a pack of M&Ms. I hobbled back to the Impala; Sam and Dean patiently waiting for me leaned on the side of the car. I handed them the coffees.

"What's that about?" Sam asked "Not that I'm complaining but…"

"It's an apology"

"Really?" Dean gruff voice was full of curiosity "For what?" his eyes sparkled

"For this morning" I explained and smiled "And for me acting like major drama bitch. Oh, and thanks for having my back on that one."

The rest of the trip I spent on my laptop, preparing some files for my real paid job. When we arrived at Apple Valley we found some small motel but with the bad luck of having only one free room. It was double and still one of us had to sleep on the couch. Dean drew the short straw and on the next morning he was complaining from pains in the back like an old lady so I gave him one of my painkillers just to make him shut up. The sad part was my leg wasn't getting any better, considering the huge amount of pain I was feeling.

We were at the closest coffeehouse we could find to have breakfast. I knew the boys were starving and wasn't surprised of the amount of food they ordered. But even though I didn't eat anything the day before I couldn't force myself to order something. I was too anxious and was playing with the store locker keys Dean gave me last night to notice the girl in front of me waiting for my order.

"Blake?" Sam caught my attention "What's gonna be?"

"Oh" I looked to the girl ready to write down my order "Just a glass of water, thanks"

Before she even made a step, Dean said

"Bring her pancakes with chocolate" he winked at me all-knowingly – he was aware of the fact I loved chocolate

The girl nodded and walked away

"What the hell, Dean?" I hissed at him

"When was the last time you eat something?" Dean asked, Sam's eyes were jumping from me to his brother and back

"I don't know" I lied. Two days, was the real answer that I hid.

"Well, I know for sure yesterday you didn't eat. Nothing, all day" Dean's green eyes were piercing me "Now you'll eat. You need strength, Warrior Princess"

I bit my lower lip in anger trying to calm myself enough not to stab him in the face. What, now he was acting like my mother?! What was wrong with him to believe he could tell me what to do!? But the last thing we needed in that moment was a scene. I looked at Dean in anger and lowered my voice.

"Fine, _Mom_" I snarled

But he and Sam looked amused with my reaction rather than take a note and leave me alone. I was too worried, anxiousness building in my stomach. What if my dad was really alive? Why and how? Why didn't he look for me by now? And what if actually I was going crazy and he was dead, as he should be? All of this was starting to get to me and I wasn't sure I could handle it. The last thing I wanted was another breakdown in front of the boys. I took a deep breath trying to relax.

Soon my pancakes were in front of me. Man, I was starving, but the idea of putting food in my mouth just made me wanting to throw up.

"Eat" Dean said firmly "Or I'm gonna tie you up and lock you in the motel"

"You wouldn't dare, Winchester!" I narrowed my eyes; he was threatening me!

"We'll see about that" he smirked as he was eating his omelette with bacon

"Sam won't let you!" I said with a smug smile, sure the younger Winchester would support me

"Oh, you got in that mess alone, Blake" Sam raised his hands in the air "Deal with it on your own"

Dean looked me with his smug sexy expression. I wanted to hit him so badly. And then kiss him. I shook my head.

"Traitor!" I growled at Sam; the boys laughed and in a second I was smiling too but I was only looking the food in my plate

Dean eyed me and smiled widely.

"Do you want me to do the airplane thing?" he asked and I laughed

"He did that to you when you were little?" I looked at Sam with curiosity

"Well…" Sam looked a bit embarrassed and I dropped the subject, smile on my face imagining the brothers when kids and Dean chasing Sam around the kitchen table with a spoon in his hand, making noises like an airplane engine.

I tried not to chuckle and my eyes fell on the plate. I sighed and ignored the puking feeling in my guts. I forced myself to eat the pancakes. I had to admit it was kind of cute how Dean was looking after me. But I was all grown woman and didn't need a babysitter. I could take care of my own, but Dean was refusing to accept that. And I still wanted an explanation what was his problem with my hunting and why he didn't keep his promise.

"So" Sam cautiously asked, taking a sip of his coffee "What's the plan?"

"Well, we'll wait to see what Bobby will tell us about the news report and then decide what to do. Meanwhile I'll check my dad's store locker and find a launderette" I had run out of clean clothes after the last hunt

"Sounds like a plan" Sam agreed

"You're not going anywhere alone" Dean said and looked me in concern "You know that, right?"

"Yeah, whatever…" I rolled my eyes and hid my smile


	9. Chapter 9

Half an hour later we were at the local launderette. I was waiting for the washing machine to finish so I could dry my clothes. Dean was reading, more likely watching, some magazine with Asian skinny sexy girls on its cover while Sam was surfing the net for some leads on the murders that the man who looked just like my father was a witness on. I was checking the local newspapers but for now we hadn't got luck. The only thing in common of the murders was the sulfur on the crime scenes. This meant only one – demons. But we needed the police reports to be sure. And all of the victims were quite rich; they could afford collecting antics and objects of great historical and art value… Then it hit me. The murderer was looking for something very specific. Something that was worth killing for. Something old and very valuable, what kind of artifact could it be…Then I remembered that the last victim used to be an archeologist before he married his rich wife. He used to go all around the world. That's why the killings had stopped after him. The killer got what he wanted. Sam and Dean quickly agreed with my theory. We needed the police files. After my dad's safe locker that was our next destination.

I looked sadly at the washing machine. It wasn't ready yet so I opened my backpack and took out an old leather-covered book – my mom's diary. I found it with some old pictures in my dad's study the day he died, minutes before Bobby and I set the house on fire. I had read the diary a couple of times – she had been born in Russia in a family of hunters. On eighteen she had run away in the States trying to leave the hunter's life behind. Then she had met my dad and soon she had told him everything about her old life. Then she'd been pregnant with me and she had died giving birth to me. The most interesting part that was explaining why Dad insisted on me learning foreign languages, especially Russian, was my mom was Russian. Her father and her mother met on a hunt. I had no other information about my grandparents but I really didn't care that much. I knew my mom changed her name and never looked back. Her parents had been forcing her to be a hunter – something she had despised. I looked at the old pictures – one of Mom next to an old Russian car, she was about seventeen, and one of Dad. I gave Sam Dad's photo so he can also check the stupid report I saw. The only thing we knew for sure was that the suspect and my dad were so much alike as if they were cloned. And what if Dad had a twin? I was sure he would have told me if I had an uncle. Dean, sitting next to me leaned forward and looked carefully at my mom's photo.

"Is that you?" he asked, his eyes full of curiosity

I sighed. I really took after her – the same long dark brown hair, the same brown eyes, the same skinny but fit body. She had piercing eyes that sent shivers down my spine. Even in the photo where she was still a child, she had strong presence – she looked tough and lively. I wondered if I really looked like her that much. She looked like a kickass hunter of highest quality.

"No. That's my mother."

"Well, she's a babe" Dean smiled widely

Sam groaned and gave him a look full of disapproval while I hid my face behind the newspapers again, leaving Dean's statement with no comment. Soon I realized I was just staring at the letters. I felt that if I sit there one more second I'd freeze and become stupid statue.

"Something?" I asked Sam and put aside the newspapers

"Be patient" he answered without moving his eyes from the screen

"I just thought Bobby would've called by now" I shrugged my shoulders and put my headphones on and since the three of us were almost alone I didn't bother to walk around dancing and humming to myself. I tried to ignore the pain in my hip – still I was limping.

I went near Dean, singing quietly Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name". Just when the song got to the chorus I almost choked, realizing it was depicting my feelings for Dean quite well. He looked at me.

"What?" I asked and took off the headphones

"You're singing out loud" he smiled at me "Bon Jovi, huh?"

I shrugged and smiled back. The ice wall between us was melting down slowly and I was happy about that. Our relations were going again in the being-friends boundaries which was way better than so-mad-at-you-I'm-gonna-strangle-you. Then my sight fell on the page in his magazine. There was a beautiful naked Asian girl and two muscular men.

"Threesome, huh?" I chuckled tilting my head "Man, that position isn't even possible! The angle's awful."

"Yeah, as if you could know" Dean laughed looking amused

"Thrust me" I said smirking all-knowingly "I know"

"What?!" he was shocked, then he smiled and curiosity rose in his eyes "Tell me!"

There was no fucking way telling him I had threesome on my eighteenth birthday with two complete strangers.

"You wish, Winchester!" I smirked and screamed when he started tickling me "Dean, no! You fucking asshole" I laughed "I ain't telling you a shit!"

"Stop acting like little children." Sam voice was full of irritation "Blake, I think your clothes are ready"

He was right. I took the wet pile of shirts, jeans, socks, and underwear and headed to the dryers where I loaded them in.

"You lost something?" Dean's voice was so cocky I knew he was up to something

I turned around and saw a pair of dark red lace thongs in his hand.

"Give that back, Winchester" I said; I hadn't even noticed when he managed to put his hands on them

"Tell me about the threesome" he smirked from the other end of the room

"Damn you!" I hissed because an old lady next to me was looking at me with disapproval

The very second I got to Dean I tried to take my underwear from him but he jerked around and caught me through my waist, holding the red lace away from my hands. Sam just shook his head but didn't intervene.

"Why would you need this sexy thing, Warrior Princess?" Dean asked playfully, his breath tickling my ear

"Special occasions" I snarled and reached but his hand moved up just under my chest and he squeezed me taking away my breath

"So you've got a special occasion lately to wear that?" he laughed at my attempt to get back my underwear

"No!" I gasped out of breath trying to struggle him without activating my combat skills or opening my wounds "Just ran out of bikinis."

"Guys" Sam said "Cut it off! People start to stare!"

We both ignored him. I tried to relent the older Winchester and pulled him a puppy-eyed look.

"Dean, please" I whined

"No" he laughed again and insisted "Tell me who the lucky men were and I'll give this back to you" he swung my thongs in front of my face

"You're a dick, Winchester!" I stated and looked at his sparkling eyes and groaned and hissed under my breath "On my eighteenth birthday"

"What was that?" Dean smirked

"On my eighteenth birthday. In a club in Chicago. I was drunk. They were strangers" I rolled my eyes "Happy now?"

Dean let me go and handed me the underwear.

"Was it good?" he asked mocking at me

"Not as good as I thought it'd be. On the next day I walked like fucking penguin." I shrugged my shoulders and smiled when he choked on my honest reply. "Now, let's go check what my dad had hidden in that store locker of his"


	10. Chapter 10

When we got there I got strange feeling in my stomach. Something wasn't right. I took out my gun and felt the Winchester boys' worried eyes on my back. I didn't care. As I approached the storage's door carefully I noticed that the padlock was broken. I rolled my eyes and kicked the door bursting in like a hurricane and clenched teeth when the stitches on my wounds stretched. That took Sam and Dean by surprise and they could only follow my lead.

The premise was gloomy but I saw a dark silhouette. My gun was already pointing at the man. The brothers' guns were in their hands, holding the stranger at gunpoint.

"Don't move" I said sharply "Or I'll make a hole in your head! The fuck are you?"

"_Katerina?_" surprised and shocked voice with strange accent said in Russian "_I__s that you_?"

The words took me by surprise and even with my disastrous Russian I managed to get his question.

"_No_" I said in shock too, my Russian was awful "_I'm her daughter. Who are you?"_

Sam and Dean looked quite surprised.

"You never mentioned you knew… Russian?" Dean said fixing the stranger and making a step forward; I ignored him

In that moment Sam managed to switch the lights on. The man in front of us was old, he was bald and he looked weary and tired of life. His brown eyes narrowed taking a good look on me. He was wearing old light brown jacket and dark jeans. He wasn't moving, just staring in me.

"_My name's Ivan Danilov_" the old man said quietly, in Russian again "_I'm her father. Your grandfather. You've grown up_"

I gasped in surprise. Then I lowered my gun but Dean was suspicious since he didn't get a word of what we said. So was Sam.

_"__That's what kids do – they grow up"_ I snapped in response to Ivan; I couldn't believe he knew about me and never looked for me. If he was really my grandfather.

"Who the hell is he, Blake?" Dean barked, he looked so confused

"I…" I shook my head "He's my grandfather"

Sam immediately took his gun down; Dean held up for another second then followed. They were both tensed, not sure what to do. But I was happy they were with me.

"I thought you had no other relatives alive" Sam said as Dean stood next to me protectively

"So did I, Sam" I took a deep breath – my head was spinning, I was getting a headache

I noticed that the old man wasn't confused while we were talking which meant he knew English.

_"__You speak Russian pretty well_" Ivan said softly in his native language

"No, I don't. Let's continue in English"

_„Why?_" Russian again; at least he didn't lie he didn't know English

"Because my friends here don't understand us and I don't have secrets from them" I said crossing my arms

"_No_." he snapped in Russian

"Why?"

_"__This is family business_"

"They are my family." I said firmly, stepping closer to Dean

_"__I'm your family!_" the old man yelled at me speaking so quickly it was hard to understand the foreign language he used "_Your father who you've forgotten… He's your family. He'd be disappointed of you knowing you chose two strangers over your own blood"_

"Family do not mean blood" I said in rage "And my father… Don't you dare speak of him again!"

Sam and Dean exchanged concerned looks. I was furious and they knew that was bad.

"The father you speak of lied to me for years, so don't tell me what's important and what is not!" I pointed at Ivan "I don't know you and I don't trust you. And I hate my father for hiding too many things from me."

"_He's your father. He'd been protecting you from this nightmare_" he stated calmly, obstinately talking in Russian

"You stupid stubborn old man!" I yelled and pointed my gun at him "Give me one good reason not to shoot you!"

"Blake!" Sam looked confronted, he tried to low my hand with the gun "Calm down. That won't help."

Ivan started laughing.

"You're just like her!" he said smiling at me; his English was funny – the accent was so strange for my ears

I was stunned. I was pointing a gun at him and he was laughing. He was crazy. Maybe it ran in the family.

"What?" I finally snarled

"Katerina." Ivan said "I see her in you. Not just the looks. You've got her…" he stopped for a second gesturing the whole of me"…how you call that… her temper." The old man was smiling softly "I knew you'll never like your birth name. What's your new name, granddaughter?"

I shook my head.

"You really do speak English." I lowered my gun and rubbed my face "I'm Blake Catelyn Ryan, nice to meet you, Gramps."

Dean eyed me and I shrugged my shoulders – I was still full of rage, but I forced myself to control the fury inside me. What was I supposed to do? Even if this man wasn't my grandparent we had to know what he was doing here and how he found this place.

I took a look around for first time paying attention to the surroundings. There were shells full of jars and documents all over the walls and devil traps and protection symbols on everywhere. I saw three huge trunks that could be used instead of chairs – the boys started moving them so we could sit and talk with my new-found relative. And I really needed to sit down because my hip was hurting me like a little bitch. I eyed a small box and reached for it to open. It looked like something made in the Middle Ages and I found it adorable. There was small furry thing in it.

"Rabbit's Foot" I mumbled reading the label written by my dad's hand

"No!" three panicked voices shouted at me and Dean grabbed my hand before my fingers could touch it

"What?"

"I wouldn't, if I were you" Dean took the box away from me and closed it "It's cursed object you don't wanna mess with."

"Fine" I rolled my eyes and headed to the closest trunk clenching my teeth in pain while sitting

"What's with the leg?" Ivan asked in curiosity; Dean and Sam pricked their ears to hear my answer – I didn't have the time to tell them what happened

"Well, it hurts like bitch and I left my painkillers at the motel" I grinned

"Here" Dean tossed me my painkillers "I took them for you"

I was surprised but too eager to take a pill to pay much attention to Dean who sat next to me.

"Seriously, Blake" Sam said "What were you hunting? You never told us. What tried to bite off your leg?"

"Hellhound. The fucking monster didn't like the fact I exorcised its master."

"Damn it!" Ivan cursed "They found you!"

"They?" I rose my eyebrows „Who's they?"

The old man sighed. Dean was so tensed I could feel his anxiousness radiating from his body. That and Sam's concerned expression and his puppy eyes were everything I needed to feel a knot of nerves in my stomach.

"We don't have much time" Ivan said "But you need to hear everything"

"How did you even find this place?" I asked

"Ah, impatience…" he chuckled "You took that from your mother, too"

I rolled my eyes but did my best to keep my mouth shut and let him choose the pace. After all, I was about to hear some family history.


	11. Chapter 11

"My wife's name was Irina." Ivan started his story "So when Katerina left home we looked for her everywhere but failed to find her. Few years later a man called Craig contacted us. He introduced himself as our daughter's husband. He said Katia died in labour and that we had beautiful granddaughter" he smiled with sadness "Somehow even then I knew you won't keep your birth name. Katerina had told your father that she's fourth generation hunter and what that meant. She didn't want that for her child so Craig said he'll be sending us information about you as long as we stay away from your life. He contacted us just of good will and we appreciated it. We didn't have a choice. Your dad was good at covering tracks and we didn't know where to look for you. So we agreed. First he sent us photos of him and Katia on their wedding and her death certificate." Ivan sighed "Then he started sending us photos of you. On your birthday, your first steps, your achievements at school, with your friends."

He handed me a photo. In the picture I could see my five-year old version holding with disappointed face two dictionaries. I remembered that – I was so resented by the presents for my birthday.

"I was five" I chuckled "And he gave me dictionaries to learn them by heart. I was so angry with him"

"You know, you started learning Russian because of your Grams. Irina insisted you to be well-educated and know the languages that run through your blood. So Craig agreed"

"I gave him hard time with this" I laughed "He begged me on his knees and only after he made some serious drawbacks about my bed time I agreed to learn them"

"You were a trouble" Dean smirked

"You've got no idea" I smiled back

"Actually Craig said you were an example of obedience and good behavior" Ivan looked me with curiosity

"That's because he was too often away to know what troubles I got myself into" I smiled "Of course I was in panic and was trying to mend my mischief and leave no tracks of it before he came home. I once even tried to bribe my teachers to keep it quite. And after that I was punished harshly for being that stupid. I learned never to try bribing. Next time I decided to try with blackmail"

"Why?" Dean asked half in shock, half amused "What have you done?"

"A bomb in the chemistry lab" I chuckled seeing everyone's shocked faces "What!? I didn't blow it off. Well, only because I was caught. Then I tried with the bribe and it all got bad…"

"You made a bomb?" Sam choked

"Yeah… Dad taught me a lot of things. It looked like really good idea at the time. I had to perform the next day on the school's play and hated the idea of being dressed up in sweet baby pink dress with ribbons in my hair. It was too girly"

"Katia was the same" Ivan said, smiling "She'd be proud of you. I lost connection with your dad just after your fifteenth birthday."

"Of course" I said trying to act natural "You stopped getting news from us after his death"

"Yes, when I came here I did my homework and made a serious research. I found out about Craig's death. You were supposed to be dead, too. Died in that fire'" Ivan said quietly

"Dead man talkin'" I grinned "But why you came?"

"Irina…" his voice broke; he looked devastated "She died in car accident. After whole life of hunting the supernatural she passed away because of a drunk driver. A month after her funeral I got a message from Craig. He wanted me to come here. So after years of information black out I came only to find out you two were dead. And still, I met him two days ago"

"No…" I trembled "He's dead for years… I…" my voice cracked for a second and I felt Dean's eyes looking at me with encouragement "I killed him. He was possessed by a demon and I took him down. He's dead. I killed him."

I felt panic rising in me, conquering my mind. I took I deep breath – I needed to stay calm

"I saw him, sweetie" Ivan said "Unless he's got an evil twin. He's alive. But he thinks you're dead."

"I burnt the house to ashes." I hissed "There is no possible way he survived. I put I knife in his chest – two factors leading to inevitable death."

"Shapeshifter? Ghoul?" Dean asked

"I checked him – he is normal human. He said something big is coming and he needed help. He's grieving for you, Blake. He believes you're dead."

I was too overwhelmed with emotions to think straight. Like why he didn't call Bobby to ask about me, why he didn't look for me, how comes he's alive…

"My father is dead" I repeated quietly "Dead men don't just start walking around"

"It happened before" Sam reminded me, glancing at Dean

"Great. My father rose from the death and what!? What did he tell you, Ivan?"

"He needed tracking some people down, as well as something hidden here" the old man shrugged his shoulders

"What?" I insisted "What he needs?"

"A tablet" Ivan said "Word of God. Your father said he found it years ago while serving on a mission in Iran."

"Why he sent you and not come on his own?" I asked narrowing my eyes "And why the hell are you telling me that!?"

"Craig wants to keep this place a secret and he'll draw too much attention to come." Ivan sighed "And I'm telling you, because I'm a hunter and I know when something's wrong. Every single word Craig says smells on lies and secrets. Something's going on. Something's wrong."

"Do you know how comes he's alive?" Sam asked

"Yes. He's been brought back by, how he calls him, ah, yeah… the King of Crossroads, no, wait... of Hell… Crowley"

"Dad made deal with King of Hell?" I gasped

"He's alive, isn't he?" Ivan stated "Of course he made a deal. He said it was worth it and that the price will be tremendous. He didn't tell me exactly what the deal was, even though he implied I'd be happy about it too. All we had to do is get that tablet for Crowley and we'll get our dreams come true. Plus, Craig mentioned that his master already had one tablet but he needed more."

"That means you were right, Blake" Sam said and half-smiled at me

"Yeah, my dad became mass murderer, great!"

"At least now we know what the artifact was" Dean stated "This tablet"

"And I think Crowley's aware of the fact you're alive and is looking for you." Ivan added "That demon and his hound probably were sent by him"

"If this Crowley wants the tablet so badly we must make sure he'll never have it. I guess he's not planning to use it upon making rainbows and butterflies for little children."

"Let's find it then" I stood on my feet

"No need" Ivan smiled "I know exactly where it is" he pointed the trunk I was sitting on "Craig told me exactly where to find it. It's in there"

Dean and Sam also stood up and I opened the lid. There were a lot of things in that huge thing – books, journals, newspaper articles, boxes full of only God knew what.

"Look for a big red-leathered book" Ivan instructed us

It was on the bottom. When I took it I found out with a surprise it was quite heavy

"This so called tablet is a book?" I grinned against the red cover

"Let me see" Sam insisted and I handed him the book

He opened it and I gasped. I should've figured it out, too. It was that simple – the Tablet was hidden inside the book. There was a hole cut in the pages. And there it was. Sam took it out. It looked like a Flintstone's book – a piece of stone with the looks of a page and a lot of scribbles on its surface.

"Maybe we should call Fred Flintstone to read it" I said taking a close look at it

"No need" Dean stated a bit harshly "We've got our own expert"


	12. Chapter 12

**Note:**_I want to thank those who read this. I was hoping for more reviews so I know what you think about it and maybe this time I'll get some feedback. :)  
So, here's the next chapter :) It ends a bit in the middle of a conversation because it was really long and I split it into two. Really hope you'll like it :)_

* * *

Back in the motel room I was examining the tablet with interest. Ivan agreed to let us take it. Not that he had much of a choice. He told us when and where he was supposed to hand the tablet to Craig. Meanwhile we had to learn what was so special about that Flintstone piece of stone. The boys agreed to call Castiel – the so-called by Dean expert. They hoped the angel could help us to figure it out.

Dean walked out of the bathroom, just a towel around his hips, drops of water all over his chest. I forced myself not to stare. Sometimes I was sure he's doing all that on purpose, just to irritate me. So I took Mom's journal and hid my face behind it. Dean smirked, took clean clothes and went back in the bathroom to get dressed.

The door opened and my hand was already on my gun before realizing it was Sam coming back from the grocery. In that moment Dean also showed up, all dressed up.

"You got me pie?" he asked his brother while Sam was putting the bags on the table

"Yeah, I got you pie" Sam took out a box of chocolate ice-cream "And I got you this, Blake"

"You're the best, Sam" I smiled widely "Thanks"

I felt Dean's eyes on me, burning and making my body hot but I ignored him. I grabbed a bottle of beer and one of the hamburgers Sam got for us and sat on my bed. Dean and Sam also took their food and made themselves comfortable. I was starving and I attacked my food.

"So, how you gonna call your angel?" I asked mouthful

"Dean will summon him" Sam explained while taking a bit of his salad

"Any rituals?" I asked again

"No, it's more like a prayer"

"Aha… And Dean's gonna pray to him and he'll what? Pop up from the thin air?"

"Something like that"

"Cool. So why don't you call him?" I turned to Dean who just finished his burger

"Why should I always call him?" Dean asked irritably "Why don't you call him, Sam?"

"He seems more attached to you" Sam shrugged

"He does not!…" Dean rolled his eyes and puffed "Whatever… I pray to Castiel to get his feathered ass down here right now!"

"Well, that was polite…" I mumbled

Next thing I knew was the sound of feathered wings and me pointing my gun at a man who just appeared from the thin air in the middle of the room.

"Dean" his voice was deep and gruff, emotionless

He looked at me but didn't seem to care much about the gun pointing at him. He had dark hair and shining blue eyes. He was pretty handsome and was giving a new definition of sexy with his beige trench coat and his tie.

"Hey, Cas" Dean smiled and I felt he eyed me so I lowered my gun

"Sorry" I shrugged "Took me by surprise"

"What's the problem?" the angel asked

"That" I handed him the Flintstone's tablet "I'm Blake, by the way"

"Castiel" his attention was already fixed to the stone "How this became in your possession?"

I left the boys to explain. He was their friend after all. I made a grin when I felt the sharp awful pain in my hip – I was barely moving. I took another painkiller.

"You're aware these are not candies, right?" Dean asked arching his eyebrows while Sam continued explaining

"Of course. They're painkillers. They kill pain" I grinned "Or they're supposed to."

"How bad is it?" Dean's voice was full of concern

"Bad enough" I tried to make myself comfortable in the bed but hissed in pain louder than I intended

"Are you hurt?" the angel fixed his sky blue eyes on me

"Something like that"

Before I could say another word Castiel got next to me, reaching his hand to my forehead. I managed to grab his wrist.

"What you think you're doing?" I narrowed my eyes on him

"Relax, Warrior Princess" Dean rolled his eyes on me

"He'll heal you" Sam explained

I didn't let his wrist.

"You can fix my leg?" I asked

"Yes"

"Can you leave the scars?" I asked again and he looked a bit hesitant and confused "Can you?" I insisted

"Yes"

"Fine" I removed my hand from his "Fix me and leave them"

The boys were looking at me with mixture of curiosity and worry, as if I had lost my mind. I didn't care. Castiel touched my forehead with his fingers. All of a sudden the pain was gone. He took a step back and I rushed my hand through my bandages. Eagerly I took them off. No sight of the wounds, no blood, no stitches; only rough pale scars. I looked at the angel and smiled.

"Thanks, Castiel."

He nodded. Then he looked back to Sam and Dean.

"I can't read the inscriptions of the tablet"

"But what's that?" I asked "I mean, c'mon, it's definitely not a letter from the Flintstone's"

Dean chuckled, Sam rolled his eyes, but this Cas guy didn't appreciate my joke. I fixed my eyes on him, listening carefully to his explanations in his deep monotone voice.

I smiled – now I knew why Sam insisted on Dean calling the angel. Castiel was very fond of the boys, especially Dean. They were connected because of Dean's resurrection and there was strong bond between them. Castiel was funny weird guy. But I really liked him. From time to time when he didn't understand a joke he looked like lost puppy which made me chuckle.

Castiel was explaining the situation in Heaven. It was still hard for me to comprehend the fact Heaven was real but I was doing my best.

"Woah! Wait!" I interrupted the angel "So Sam and Dean are the true vessels of Lucifer and Michael. But since Sam hasn't killed Lilith there is no Apocalypse to be stopped, right?" Castiel nodded and I continued "So there is no need Sam and Dean to be vessels and actually the Apocalypse problem is solved as long as Sam does not break the last Seal"

"Yes"

"Then why these fuckers up there" I pointed to the heaven "want to bring the Apocalypse to Earth?! There is no problem to be solved. How exactly stupid they must be!?"

"Good point" Dean handed me a beer but didn't look at me

"There is war in Heaven" Castiel said "Angels are killing angels because of their believes. Some think everything should happen the way it is foretold. After Lilith started breaking seals only she is standing between the Apocalypse and the very existence of this world. Her death is the last seal."

"Great. While she's alive, everything's fine, right?" I asked

"We don't know where she is. I suspect Crowley has her. He's the new King of Hell and not long ago Lilith was the most powerful demon, so I believe he overtook power from her."

"Fine, but that's not the main problem now" Sam intervene preventing more questions from me "What's with the tablet?"

"As I already said – this is the Word of God, created for protection of mankind. It is recorded by Metatron and can be read only by him or by a prophet of God."

"Wait? Metatron?" Sam looked really confused "You saying a transformer wrote that?"

I met Dean's amused eyes and burst into laughter.

"No." Dean looked to his little brother trying not to laugh "that's Megatron"

"Dude, you…" I didn't manage to finish my sentence because I couldn't control my maniac laughter "I'm sorry, I just can't help it" I felt tears rolling down my face and chuckled trying to get together and be serious, ignoring the faces Sam, Dean and Cas were pulling at me. It was way too hilarious.


	13. Chapter 13

"Only prophet can read the tablet?" I asked Castiel again "Really? Prophet? Like Muhammad?"

"He has never been a prophet of the Lord" Cas said with stern voice

I raised an eyebrow. This guy was strange.

"Okay, forget Muhammad. Define prophet." I said, waving my hand

"They are mouthpieces and conduits for the inspired word of God" Castiel explained "Every angel knows the names of the prophets past, present and future. But there can not be more than one prophet at a time. It is highly possible the prophet who can read the tablet not to be the current one. Any sign the prophet is in danger will summon an archangel responsible for his safety"

"So gone with the chance to gank the current prophet and get the one we need" I said, taking the last sip of beer in my bottle "What?" I noticed the three pairs of shocked eyes fixed on me

"You do not mean that" Castiel exclaimed in worry

"We're not killing anyone" Dean snapped, his green eyes narrowed on me

"Of course not" I answered too quickly "I was joking, okay?"

"Anyway" Sam came to my rescue "If we don't know who the current prophet is, we can't do much to see what the tablet says."

"We have to wait. The prophet you seek will be drawn to the tablet. As long as you have it, he'll find you. Soon or late." Castiel calmly said

"We don't have time to wait" I snapped and sighed "However, it doesn't matter what's written here" I pointed the tablet "We can't let the fucking demon get it. Especially when he already has one" Sam and Dean nodded in agreement

"You may want to hide it. It will be wise" the blue eyed angel suggested "I must go now" and within a blink of the eye he was gone surrounded by the quiet noise of feathered wings.

"That's just weird" I stated, stood up and headed to the fridge to get some ice-cream.

"You were serious, weren't you?" Dean's voice was low and full of suspicion and accusation

"About what?" I blinked confused as I took out the ice-cream box

"About killing the prophet"

"That's what this demon king will do, if he has the same information we have" I calmly stated and turned around to meet his angry eyes "And yes, I was considering this possibility. Is that a problem?" I arched my eyebrows provocatively

"You are ready to kill an innocent to get what you need?" Sam asked in disbelieve

"Let's hope we'll never find out" I said quietly

They didn't know what I was capable of. And I was capable of a lot of things they would never approve. Sometimes the goal was worth the collateral damage. I wasn't sure this was the case but I was carefully considering the situation.

"And what about this?" Dean grumbled and went to his bag

He took out some cut newspaper articles and handed them to me. I shivered as I took a good look on them – they were about murders of suspects on serial kills. The serial killers I took down on my hunts. I bit my lips. How the hell he knew about that? I felt embarrassed and furious at the same time.

"Will you say something about that?" Dean's angry voice was echoing through the room

"You've been following me?" I hissed in rage

"Bobby told me about that" Dean barked "Only he knew where you were hunting. You thought he wouldn't notice?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sam asked so I handed him the articles "Shit, Blake" he mumbled under his breath after reading them "Did you kill them?"

"Yes." I said in cold voice "I hunt them down and nailed them"

"We're supposed to hunt monsters, not people" Dean shouted at me; Sam was trying to intervene but nor me or Dean gave him a chance "There are laws for the people. We hunt the supernatural"

"Don't you dare preach on me, Winchester!" I yelled back in fury "You had your chance and you wasted it. I'm doing things on my own way now"

"By killing people!?" Dean was about to explode; his eyes were sparking dangerously

"By killing what must be killed." I snarled and tried to explain "They did monstrous things to innocents. These people were no less monsters than those we usually hunt."

"Oh, yeah? Your family will be so proud of you" Dean snapped

"Especially my father, right?" I raged at him, my eyes filling with tears "Only a monster can kill people, right? Well, I'm a monster, Dean. Thanks for reminding me that." I lowered my voice trying to control myself "But I'm a monster killing other monsters." I turned on my heels and headed to the door

"What happened to you?" Dean asked "Where's the girl who was scared to fight back because she could hurt anyone?"

"She died" I said firmly without looking back and burst out of the motel room hiding the tears rolling down my face.


	14. Chapter 14

**Note:** _The last chapter was a bit shorter than the others, sorry about that. I tried this one to be longer and to explain why and how Blake changed during her solo hunts. May be there'll be more to it in the next chapter. Also, __mentioned__ rape and torture._

* * *

I was sitting on the stairs in front of the motel room when I heard a creak of door being opened. I didn't check who it was. I quickly wiped my tears trying to hide the fact I was sobbing and didn't take my eyes off of the night sky. It was beautiful – dark ink blue with shivering silver stars scattered all upon it. It looked so mystical and magical it took my breath away. Until I remembered there was Heaven full of angels who didn't give crap about humans up there. Footsteps rattled and stopped next to me.

"Hey" Sam said quietly "Mind if I join?"

"No" I shook my head and sniveled

He sat silent next to me and handed me a bowl full of ice cream and a soup spoon stuck in it. Sam also took a nice look at the night sky.

"It's beautiful, right?" I asked mouthful

Sam gave me a concerned look, then shook his head.

"What?" I arched my eyebrows

"Nothing…" he mumbled and looked at me with worry in his eyes "Are you okay?"

I sighed. I didn't know. I wasn't sure. I felt numb and confused. I was supposed to feel something but I wasn't sure what. I was nervous for sure. And probably insecure.

"Frustrated" I simply answered "And really confused. A bit edgy." I sighed "And acting like a bitch. Again."

"You've got too much on your head lately" Sam said quietly trying to comfort me

"That's not an excuse, you know" I fixed his eyes "You think I shouldn't have killed those people, don't you?"

"Blake…"

"Just be honest, Sam"

"It's just not right. We hunt the supernatural and it feels wrong to kill people for their crimes."

"Maybe you're right." I sighed "But for that year and so that I was solo hunting…" I shook my head "I saw things no one should see, I went through so much shit every normal person would go insane, I did things I'm ashamed even to mention. I saw too much tragedy and pain and terror..."

"You want to talk about it?" Sam carefully asked "You never talked about your hunts. What made you kill those people?"

"They were killing innocents, Sam. Those men were hunting them down like animals and then torturing them, doing some sick rituals of their own and killing those girls in a violent and brutal way. The truth is the first one I killed got me."

Sam's eyes widened in shock.

"What!?" he asked in disbelieve "How?"

"I was too cocky back then, too confident in myself. And too reckless." I shrugged "I thought I'm after a common vengeful ghost, djinn or something. The media called him The Phantom. I dug too deep. So he caught me. I was his type – dark hair and brown eyes. Perfect fit. I was so surprised to find out he's a common man. But it was too late. There were two other girls locked with me. He killed one of them in front of us. He raped her, tortured her, made her beg for her life… and when she was a complete mess he killed her making her scream and beg for a quick end."

I hid my face in his shoulder; his hand was placed on my back, fingers rubbing me with comfort. It was so painful to remember everything. I taught I was over it but saying what happened to me brought everything back. It looked so real that cold shivers went down my spine. My eyes filled with tears but I wiped them quickly.

"He wanted to take the other girl, Amy. I offered myself instead of her. He didn't care as long as he had audience. He…" I choked

"You don't have to tell me" Sam's voice was full of pain and sympathy, his face had that lost miserable puppy look

"Well" I took a deep breath "He didn't manage to do me anything because he didn't tie me well enough. I broke free, there was a struggle. Then I killed him. I gave him something he didn't bother to give his victims – a quick death and no pain." I sighed "But I didn't know he had a girlfriend. And she was vicious bitch full of anger and need of revenge. She was djinn. What a surprise, after all. She poisoned Amy and kept her alive for a day or two after which she killed her. Then fixed her attention on me"

"How long you were held captive?"

"A week, I suppose. Or more" I shrugged, I wasn't sure "It was some kind of basement with no day light. It was dirty and smelled like toilet. It turned out it was in partly ruined building."

"She fed on you?"

"I'm… I'm not sure" I shook my head and a bitter smile appeared on my lips "She had her own way of getting what she wanted. She tormented me with hallucinations of my deepest desires and fears. She found out about my dad, about everything. She was playing with me making me kill my father again, making me kill you, or Dean or Bobby, letting me blame myself for Amy's death, making me live my happiest dreams just to destroy them in the end. She loved making me choose between my life and the lives of those I cared most about"

"How did you escape? Why didn't you call the police?"

I laughed.

"And tell them what? That the F.B.I. agent that was nosing around The Phantom case became a victim of his, too. That I'm with fake ID? How would I explain how I got the clues where to look for this guy?" I took a big mouthful of ice-cream and continued "The other cases… I wasn't sure; it could've been supernatural activity. Or not. But I didn't care much; whatever it was I was determined to take it down. I didn't want anyone else to go through what I went through. The stereotype was different every time but I could see it from miles, especially after reading the police reports. The officers were looking for serial killers. I was looking for monsters. Unfortunately for these monsters I found them first. I always find them first."

"You could have told me or Bobby or even Dean" Sam said

"I could've done that" I smiled bitterly "And all I was going to get was eyes full of pity, sweet words full of compassion. I don't need that, Sam. I need to forget and move on. But I can't. Not yet." I shrugged "The other reason I didn't tell a shit about it was because of your brother"

"Dean?" Sam was surprised "What does he have to do with that?"

"He was going to feel guilty. He was going to punish himself about things that he does not control. The Phantom and his djinn bitch girlfriend aren't getting to anyone else mind" I sighed silently

"I'm sorry" Sam quietly said

"For what? It wasn't your fault" I snapped "Actually, her torture and her little games opened my eyes for some things."

"Really? It's nice you can see the bright side of the situation" he said in sarcastic tone

"I'm serious."

"Opened your eyes for what?"

"Before I met you guys all I wanted in life was a house with white fence, loving husband and dog the kids to play with."

"You want kids?" Sam looked surprised

"I used to. But while the djinn was playing with my mind I realized one thing. My happy ending wasn't a nice mediocre idea of family. It was you, Dean and Bobby being alive and okay, having a nice happy life away from that hunting crap."

"What?" he blinked

"I'll be happy to know you and Dean will grow old and die in your beds in piece of old age, not because of some monster decided to rip you apart. You, Dean and Bobby, you're the only family I got. And I really care about you."

Sam hugged me. Feeling his warmth made me feel a bit better. I rested my head on his shoulder, both of us with eyes in the sky again. We were quite for a while. Sam knew me well enough not to be surprised by my mood swings and change of topics or by my confession. He somehow understood me. And I knew he was going to give the best he could to bring back the old me. Or at least that part of it that survived and was hidden deep down in me.


	15. Chapter 15

**Note**_: There's not much development in the storyline in this chapter but it felt right to give Sam and Blake enough time to catch up and for Sam to help Blake to get together :) Hope you like it_

* * *

I really meant everything I told Sam. I had to protect Dean from himself no matter how pissed I was on him. Thank to the djinn bitch I realized I cared about him and his brother and Bobby more than ever. I wanted the best for them. Me on the other hand… well, I couldn't let go of hunting just like that. The encounter with The Phantom and the djinn changed me. And I wasn't sure it was for the best - I felt some kind of darkness inside me that was luring me. And it scared the shit out of me so I ignored it pretending it's not there. Knowing there was innocents suffering because of some monster, supernatural or not, made me want to save them, help them and give justice for them. Human laws were too gentle and too slow for people like The Phantom. So I was giving justice as I saw it. It was something I couldn't let go. I was fifth generation hunter. It was in my blood. It became part of who I was – ruthless and lethal cold-blooded killer who was fighting to make the world a safer place with no monsters around.

"How did you escape?" Sam asked again in a while; he was curious

"Well, bunch of rockers found the building and decided to throw a party there, don't ask me why. I told them they're morons. They were lucky that the djinn wasn't around. Imagine their surprise when they found me chained in the basement, all covered in blood. It was really hard to convince them not to call the cops. And even more difficult to make them let me gank the djinn. I explained them about the hunting. They believed me and helped me find her before she had the chance of hurting someone else. Since then, they're hunting too."

"Wow…"

"Yeah"

"And this Ivan? How do you feel about him?" Sam quickly changed the subject

I chuckled. I felt way better than before. I felt relieved and calm.

"Are you sure you went to law school? And no psychotherapeutic degree?"

"Yeah, I'm sure" he laughed

"Ok, then. Well, Ivan obviously is my blood. I really don't know how I feel about him yet. I'm more worried about my resurrected father and the King of Hell"

"We'll figure it out. We always do that"

"Good to know" I smiled "I'm happy you two came with me. And for before…" I made a grin "I'll also have to apologize to Dean, huh?"

"Probably" Sam giggled

"Well, I overreacted and I'm sorry for that." And when I was overreacting I was using my father like a shield. And that was sick and wrong

"Apology accepted" he nodded and smiled

"Good" I giggled "Thanks for the session, doc. And for the ice-cream."

I looked with regret my empty bowl; the ice-cream was all gone. I put it on the steps, next to me. Sam was a good friend, I had to admit that. I was grateful for having him. I really had missed our conversations lately. I needed someone to just listen, not judge, not advice or preach me. Just be there for me.

"You're the best, Sam" I smiled "Did I tell you that?"

"Twice already"

"Good. Maybe if you hear it more often, you'll finally believe it."

"What?"

"Nothing. You're just the kind of man every normal self-esteemed woman wants by her side"

"And yet you're into my brother" he chuckled

"I'm an idiot."

He laughed and his eyes felt on me.

"Oh, don't!" I snapped looking at him all serious

"What?" he asked, confusion all over his puppy face

"Don't pity me"

"Actually, knowing you" Sam said and smiled "I believe Dean's the one to be pity on"

"What?" I was indignant "Oh, please! He's just fine…"

"He's miserable too, Blake" Sam's voice was low and his eyes serious

"He's just great, Sam. He'll survive anything as long as you're fine."

"What do you mean?" Sam gasped in surprise

"Oh, c'mon! He'll give his life for you. He actually already did" I said and a sad smile appeared on my lips "There is nothing he wouldn't do for you. You're always first for him. Always. But without you… Well, that's for sure a thing he won't survive."

Sam was quiet. His eyes were dark, full of emotions. But I didn't stop there, once I started, I had to spill it all out.

"He's so selfless and protective. You're all he's got, Sam." I looked at him "That's what made me fell for him on the first place, you know. His love for his little brother, all the care he shows for you. Sometimes I envy that." I admitted with embarrassment but Sam gave me awkward smile of encouragement "Having someone who's ready on everything for you? I'd like that pretty much. I'd really want to know someone cares about me that much." I sighed "You're always first on his list, Sam. He's your big brother and he'll always watch out for you. If he doesn't, he won't be Dean we know. If he wasn't the big overprotective brother who cares too much and tries to safe everybody, I wouldn't be in…"

I gasped in shock, my eyes widened as I was watching Sam in surprise. I couldn't believe what I was about to say. That hit me so hard it almost hurt me physically. Sam's eyes sparkled in amusement. He knew, I realized. I opened my mouth but nothing came out of it so I quickly closed it. I took a deep breath; Sam was carefully eyeing me, smile playing on his lips.

"Dammit!" I hissed "I'm in love with your brother!" I snarled finally

"Took you long enough to realize that" Sam chuckled

"Shut up" I buried my face in my palms

"Come on, Blake" Sam took my hands and pulled me up "It's getting late and we need rest"

He leaded me to the motel room door and opened it for me. Before getting inside I put a hand on his chest and bend my head back so I could look him in the eyes.

"You can tell him everything. Except the last part." I whispered not sure if Dean could hear us

"I don't babble, Blake" Sam assured me

"I know. But if he asks, tell him what you decide is best. Except…"

"Yeah, except how much exactly you care about him" Sam raised his eyebrows

"I just need time to think about it." I whined quietly "To process it."

When we got inside we found Dean asleep on my bed. He was with his shoes on, legs hanging from the edge. I rolled my eyes and chuckled. He looked so peaceful and sweet in his sleep I couldn't force myself to wake him up. I went to the bathroom and took a quick shower. When I got out, my sleeping T-shirt on me, I saw Sam standing in the middle of the room, his worried eyes fixed on his brother. Dean was having a nightmare again, mumbling in his sleep, and fear in his voice. Sam looked so helpless and sad and confused. I went to him and put my palm on his hand.

"I've got this" I smiled encouraging at him

He nodded and went to the bathroom. He didn't want to witness that. I quickly reached Dean and shook him. His eyes flew open and he sat quickly in the bed. He looked disoriented for a couple of seconds, and then his look fell on me. His body was tensed and I could feel anxiousness radiating from him.

"It's okay" I whispered, giving him a smile of comfort

"I'm giving you the bed" he said in gruff sleepy voice but before he could stand up my fist clenched around his shirt

"You're not going anywhere" I said and pushed him down

His green eyes sparkled in surprise. I silently took his shoes off and crawled on the bed next to him. I drew him close to me so his head was on my shoulder.

"What are you doing?" his question made me smile

"Cuddling with a friend"

"What happened with you being angry?" he sheepishly asked

"I care too much to be angry with you, Dean" I quietly said and my fingers sank in his hair

I felt his body relaxed and he wrapped his hand around my waist. He muttered something and I had to strain myself to hear him.

"I don't think you're a monster, Blake." He whispered "You're the best thing in my life."

I just hugged him tighter not sure if I was supposed to have heard him. Few minutes later his deep breath gave him away - he was asleep again. I smiled and cuddled next to him, absorbing his warmth and touch. For the first time in a long time I felt happy. Soon I drifted off too but not before Sam coming out of the bathroom and giving me a huge smirk of approval.


End file.
